20 year old son has no friends/social life

[billybunny]

As the title suggests, my 20 year old son does not socialise at all and I am unsure whether he has any friends that arent in the "virtual" world. He relies heavily on his 18 year old brother for any social interaction (no issues with 18 year old, has friends/socialises). My 20 yr old isnt the most confident of people but he holds down a job, is polite and, I think, has a nice personality, good sense of humour etc. This has been an ongoing problem for quite a few years now and I've tried to give him guidance and support but things have never really improved. My question is should I keep raising this issue with him and try to encourage him to make a life for himself or should I let him find his own way. I dont want to make him feel bad about himself but I dont know whether sitting back and letting him just carry on is the right thing either. I feel that he is missing out on life and so many experiences when, at his age, he should have the world at his feet. However, is pushing him just interferring? Any constructive advice/opinions gratefully received.

[NOX]

As the father of a lot of now mostly grown up children, it's been my experience that they all do things at their own rates, including develop their social lives. I have some real party animals and my one lad who although he has 2 friends didn't have a girlfriend until he was 21- and to be honest you oculd haveknocked me down with a feather when he turned up with her ( never eally went out, always played computer games etc).
I'd give him a little bit of slcak on it to be honest and let him find his own way a bit or else just encourage his younger brother to include him in as much as possible, but I'm fairly sure he'll find his feet in his own time.

[JonnyBoy12]

"But he holds down a job, is polite and, I think, has a nice personality, good sense of humour etc."

I will tell you the trouble with him. He sounds too nice to me. I once saw a cartoon with a mother looking at her teenage son and saying "you are a teenager; you are supposed to be troublesome".

[Mosaic]

He sounds a nice man - and there are many difficulties facing nice young men today. These range from a higher likelihood of encountering violence on the streets, to social pressures to drink excessively and take 'recreational' drugs. My son was extremely uncomfortable in crowds - he had experience of random aggression from gangs - and he didn't drink, smoke, take drugs or like sport. He enjoyed heavy metal but found the associations of all the above uncomfortable. Without the internet he would have been very cut off from like-minded friends - so I'd suggest you need to just love your son and let him be.
Many people find themselves in similar positions - the quiet majority?

[karenmac60]

Is he unhappy with his life the way it is? If not, then I don't see why he should be forced to socialise. Some people are just happier with their own company - it might not be your cup of tea but it's not your life. Leave him to make his own choices. If he asks you for help or it becomes clear he is not happy, then step in and give him help and support, but in the meantime - he is a grown man.

[jno]

at 20, I think he should be left to follow his own path. If he's happy, there's no reason for you to worry: there are plenty of unhappy people around.

[Craftypig]

This might help?

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Friends