News3 mins ago
Paraprosdokians
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. We never really grow up we only learn how to act in public.
5. War does not determine who is right only who is left.
6. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7. They begin the evening news with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. Buses stop in bus stations, trains stop in train stations, on my desk is a work station.
10. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
13. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
14. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
15. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
16. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call whatever you have hit.
17. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
18. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
19. Where there's a will there are relatives.
20. I'm supposed to respect my elders but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. We never really grow up we only learn how to act in public.
5. War does not determine who is right only who is left.
6. Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
7. They begin the evening news with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. Buses stop in bus stations, trains stop in train stations, on my desk is a work station.
10. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
13. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
14. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
15. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
16. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call whatever you have hit.
17. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
18. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
19. Where there's a will there are relatives.
20. I'm supposed to respect my elders but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
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