Running Away Or Suicide?

[JCYSXP]

I'm 13 and I live with my parents. I sent nudes to a lot of people and this is my third offense currently. I don't trust any adults but only my friends. I believe my family is abusive to me, and they don't care about me as much as they do about my siblings. One case was when my older sister(20) hit me unreasonably and caused me 16 bruises. I scratched my sister a couple times because she took my phone unreasonably and my mom made me apologize 7 times because I did my project last minute. I've slit myself a bunch of times but I'm too scared to do it hard but I don't look forward to anything anymore and I often think about knifing myself in the chest. I'm only a hoe because I want more attention from my parents. They want to report me to the police and I don't want to go to jail. They want to tell my guidance counselor too and I don't want to deal with the looks she'll give me that I'll have to deal with another year and a half. I doubt an orphanage would want to take in a dirty child like me and I don't want foster parent. They don't understand me and they want to make this matter so much more complicated than it already is. My parents live in Hong Kong and my dad lives near me but he only hangs out with me once a month. I'm a bit spoiled from my dad like he buys me things and gets me iPhone X. I get a $150 allowance and I really don't like my current situation. There isn't any stable places for me to hang myself but I've been thinking about that too. If I ran away where would I be able to run to? I'm really against smoking weed but because of this instance I want to smoke weed and get high. My family also makes me drink alcohol on some occasions but sometimes I do it myself. I want to have a family later on in my life and do all those things I can do when I'm older like living with my best friend but my family makes it hard for me to try to live. I want to rewind everything if I can. I seriously want to suicide but I want to be with my friends too. I can't think of anything I can do to make my situation better. I don't like adults at all and I've suffered from emotional abuse and physical abuse from the boys and some girls from my school. I'm a little overweight (5"2 and 135 pounds but I don't look it) and the Asian boys always fat shame me. But the way they tease me and make fun of me makes everyone think they like me. I'm spoiled and I'm abused I guess? I really love my dad because he's a kind person but when my guidance counselor found out I slit myself, my dad told me I should have just stabbed myself and died. I live in Boston, Massachusetts, does anyone want to adopt me? Or if they know any gangsters that want to take my organs? I'd gladly let them if they kill me smoothly. Thanks, and is there a way to reply to comments?

[douglas9401]

Yes, there is.

[davegosling]

"My parents live in Hong Kong and my dad lives near me"
"I live in Boston, Massachusetts"

It's all relative, I suppose.

[douglas9401]

He may be very tall.

[JCYSXP]

My parents are divorced, so my mom and step dad live in Hong Kong but I also technically live with them since they come back 4 times a year. My dad who is living by himself lives about 10 minutes away from me. @davegosling

[Ken4155]

You don't like adults at all? Then answerbank ain't the place for you.

[JCYSXP]

@spathiphyllum, er so my parents don't pay enough attention to me and they don't go out with me much. I'm bored and the only thing that entertains me is my friends and the internet. My sister is too lazy to bring me out and she yells at me when I ask her to bring me out. I can't enjoy my youth when my mom is about to tell someone I'll be spending the rest of my school years in middle school to. My sister snitched on me to everyone in my family and I have to live in that for the rest of my 5 years of being with them and maybe more if I can't get myself out of this home.
@Ken4155 I like adults who can't get authorities to change my life, strangers, people I don't know so I don't have to be embarrassed. I don't like adults who are biased and can take me away. I'm here for advice.

[Ken4155]

Advice? Okay; stop sending nude photos of yourself. You're only 13 and you should respect yourself much more than you obviously do. You enjoy spending time with your friends, so spend more time with them. Get on with your life, enjoy it and let your sister get on with hers. Take care of yourself and put all thoughts of self harm back where they belong. In the trashcan. Good luck.

[jourdain2]

OK. First thing is 'Stay Alive'. You are very young.
2nd thing: believe in yourself and be yourself - not kowtowing to others, but accepting sensible advice and criticism.
3rd - get your education finished as well as you can to give yourself a chance.
4th - You sound to over-dramatise 'abuse'. Be stronger, be yourself.
Live your own life.
On here we're all grown-ups who have been through all sorts of problems on the way. We got through - so can you. Dig into yourself and find strength.

[JCYSXP]

@Ken4155, I can't even get on with my life. My parents are restricting everything from me. My sister has her own life so she's busy being a hoe and now I can only be driven around by her to make sure I'm not doing anything suspicious. I was planning to go with my childhood friend who's a male, he's a year older than me and he lives next door to my grandpa so he knows them well. I was planning to go to the gym with him but because he's a male I can't go anymore. I have to be tracked every second of my life and I can only go when my sister is free which is basically never. I've stopped sending the photos for over 3 weeks. I've only did it once after the second offense and left some evidence behind(flirts). I can't spend time with my friends when they're Asian, basic Asian, meaning their parents are also strict. My sister keeps meddling with my life so how can I do anything I want? I have restrictions on both my phone and my laptop. I can't watch my favorite Webtoons anymore because they have restrictions. I can't watch kdrama either because the app is 17+. If I forgot to do an assignment I can't turn on my laptop to do it because there's a time limit. Meaning I'd have to call my sister to give me the password or reset my laptop, or wake her up if she's asleep. She'd yell at me and then scream at me, also take my phone away because I did it last minute. I doubt she'd even get up for me. I had a friend who gave me all this advice and crap and eventually told me that my sister has problems in her life too and I should respect her. This was maybe a few weeks after we met. But then I kept telling him about everything that happened in my life with my sister and now he agrees that my sister is a *** and I'm abused.
@jourdain2, please read what I said before for (4). Are you sure I am able to get through? I don't think I can if I keep being wrongfully accused and unreasonably hit all the time. (3) If I'm already so depressed at this age, what makes you think I can get through school? I try not to be depressed and I'm only sad when I fight with my family. I'm usually happy with my friends. (2), I've been accepting criticism my whole life. I accept the bullying and cyber bullying from the Asian boys at my school. I accepted the fact that I live with an abusive sister. I accept the fact that my whole family is biased. I've been accepting it and holding it in and I just don't think I can hold it in any longer. (1) I'm young, so? Many teens commit suicide so because I'm young I can't? Isn't that a bit selfish? I posted this question because I wanted to get a negative response, to hang myself. I was asking to run away too and where. I get so many replies about how I should live and I'm done with that. Do I sound like I'm seeking attention? I really just want to know if I should hang myself or run away, and if I were to run away, where to and what's the best method to. Sure, I want to be successful but I don't want to be successful in my family. I want to go to tutoring and if my parents had replaced my free time with tutoring I wouldn't have send nudes. I've been telling my parents about wanting to go to tutoring for a year now. Instruments, 5 years. They don't listen to me and tell me to find out myself. When I do, they tell me to go there and do it myself. I'm only 13, I don't do that myself. Maybe you grown ups lived in a time period where you did everything yourself, I do quite a lot myself too, but I don't sign myself up for tutor because my parents are too lazy to care about my education.

[Theland]

In spite of a few mistakes you are quite articulate for 13.
Are you really only 13?
I think that what you have is U.S.A. syndrome.
Not a bad idea to talk to people here in Great Britain, to get a more balanced view of the world.
Good luck and look after yourself.

[JCYSXP]

@Theland, I'm actually 12. Many of my friends can speak better than I can, do you think that 12 year olds and 13 year olds are that dumb? I'm Asian but English and math is my best subject in school. I do better in English than I do in math though. I don't know what the U.S.A syndrome is, I don't understand why you think that Great Britain has a better view on the world. It may be just you, not the people generally. I'm doing okay in school by the way. I learn things quick and I like to think that if my parents payed more attention to me like bringing me to tutoring I could do a lot better. I didn't listen at all in elementary so I don't know anything that we learned but everything in middle school is entering my brain easily. I don't know what sources I use to gain more knowledge. I'm trying to be a lawyer but it probably won't give me a lot of money because there are so many lawyers out there. Therefore, I would have an office job instead of a restaurant job that my sister with no future has.

[JCYSXP]

@Theland, yes I've noticed my mistakes while I was reading it again. But it's not possible to change them. I've forgotten commas in some places with a couple of missing words but it's fine, as long as the idea gets through. My grammar is not the best right now either.