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Do we choose to live insular lives...
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or is it just the way of our society today? How many of you know your neighbours? Not just the people who live next door but others who live on the same street? I've been wondering about this since I watched the Channel 4 Cutting Edge documentary 'My Street'. As a kid I remember we knew most of the people in my street. Some my Mum and Dad talked to some were just a 'nod' of acknowledgement but we sort of 'knew' who lived where. Is it the internet? Is it because we don't let our kids out to play on the street anymore so it's now just a thoroughfare? Or is it because we no longer have / use local shops, post offices and other amenities?
There'll always be the 'neighbours from hell' that you wouldn't want to know but, generally, would you prefer to live in a 'community'?
There'll always be the 'neighbours from hell' that you wouldn't want to know but, generally, would you prefer to live in a 'community'?
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Hi fire -
From a personal perspective I suppose I live an insular life, that's my choice. I know who my neighbours are & would help them in any real difficulty, but, I personally like to keep things simple. In the past I have had a close friendship with one of my neighbours ( female like me ) That friendship ended up sour through our respective children at the time & was very awkward! My neighbours to the other side are alchoholics . I don't think it's possible to recreate the neighbourliness of yesteryear, that in my opinion is down to a decline in basic respect. Why would I put myself out for people who have no regard for me? I have tolerance, but there's a limit. You ask if the closure of local amenities has had an effect? Yes I would say there must be some effect , likewise with the internet. All these innovations change the way we stay in touch generally. The written letter is possibly regarded an old form of communication, email has taken over. We can pay our bills/ shop for food online avoiding communication with others. I suppose we are losing our social skills, does that in turn create conflict? I would love to live in a 'community' of fair and decent people! Always had a lovely thought of a commune thing! lol! Pipe dreams!
From a personal perspective I suppose I live an insular life, that's my choice. I know who my neighbours are & would help them in any real difficulty, but, I personally like to keep things simple. In the past I have had a close friendship with one of my neighbours ( female like me ) That friendship ended up sour through our respective children at the time & was very awkward! My neighbours to the other side are alchoholics . I don't think it's possible to recreate the neighbourliness of yesteryear, that in my opinion is down to a decline in basic respect. Why would I put myself out for people who have no regard for me? I have tolerance, but there's a limit. You ask if the closure of local amenities has had an effect? Yes I would say there must be some effect , likewise with the internet. All these innovations change the way we stay in touch generally. The written letter is possibly regarded an old form of communication, email has taken over. We can pay our bills/ shop for food online avoiding communication with others. I suppose we are losing our social skills, does that in turn create conflict? I would love to live in a 'community' of fair and decent people! Always had a lovely thought of a commune thing! lol! Pipe dreams!
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I grew up in a country village and knew most of the surrounding neighbours and people across the road. Apart from kids moving on most are still there and chat in the street and such.
When walking around, more the older part of the village, it is customary to say hello to others in passing though it is more only the older generation who do it now.
I loved the community when I lived on the west coast of Wales as despite being a student and having the uni/campus/hall/course communities I also get involved locally, working and playing for a local darts team.
I then moved to Leeds for my post grad and got a bit of a shock. I was the only one in my house who got to know the neighbours and other people on the estate.
Moved to Manchester and as my Landlord rented 4 houses in the street which I looked after for him we had our own little community and used to go to a local pub quiz and for drinks together and such.
Central London - didn't have time for a life let alone getting to know anyone. My community was the breakfast lady in the hotel I lived in and the nice man in Benji's where I'd grab some lunch.
Back to Manchester city centre flats and I don't know my neighbours really (met one through a noise nuisance and another I did the legals for his flat for him but never actually met him).
I get to know the staff in my regular haunts for coffee and lunch but do miss the community feel.
When walking around, more the older part of the village, it is customary to say hello to others in passing though it is more only the older generation who do it now.
I loved the community when I lived on the west coast of Wales as despite being a student and having the uni/campus/hall/course communities I also get involved locally, working and playing for a local darts team.
I then moved to Leeds for my post grad and got a bit of a shock. I was the only one in my house who got to know the neighbours and other people on the estate.
Moved to Manchester and as my Landlord rented 4 houses in the street which I looked after for him we had our own little community and used to go to a local pub quiz and for drinks together and such.
Central London - didn't have time for a life let alone getting to know anyone. My community was the breakfast lady in the hotel I lived in and the nice man in Benji's where I'd grab some lunch.
Back to Manchester city centre flats and I don't know my neighbours really (met one through a noise nuisance and another I did the legals for his flat for him but never actually met him).
I get to know the staff in my regular haunts for coffee and lunch but do miss the community feel.
I have lived alongside various neighbours over the years. Some were anti-social, some didn't want to know and some were just downright hostile.
Where we're living now isn't somewhere we'd have chosen, but it's turned out to be one of the nicest neighbourhoods in town. We live at the dead-end of a long road, the bit that leads to a field and which doesn't get gritted when the snow falls because there are only eight houses at this end. We have a real mix of ages and cultures in those eight houses - a single parent, two elderly couples, a sikh family who run the nearby pub, two somali brothers and a family of market traders. Yet we all speak to each other, all chip in and help when it's needed, and everyone keeps an eye out for everyone else.
I wouldn't say we live in each other's pockets, although we've become really friendly with the couple next door. We just get on, really.
Where we're living now isn't somewhere we'd have chosen, but it's turned out to be one of the nicest neighbourhoods in town. We live at the dead-end of a long road, the bit that leads to a field and which doesn't get gritted when the snow falls because there are only eight houses at this end. We have a real mix of ages and cultures in those eight houses - a single parent, two elderly couples, a sikh family who run the nearby pub, two somali brothers and a family of market traders. Yet we all speak to each other, all chip in and help when it's needed, and everyone keeps an eye out for everyone else.
I wouldn't say we live in each other's pockets, although we've become really friendly with the couple next door. We just get on, really.
I grew up in a small village and everybody knew everybody else and all their business too. If two people had the same last name they were guaranteed to be related. No one moved about like they do now and people of that time were pretty static (where I lived). All my friends had grandparents living just doors away from them, cousins around the corner and uncles up the road.
I wasn't too keen on it and moved to town. I liked being anonomus for most of the time, but have got to know many people now and it's nice having a chat over the fence or while passing in the street or someone to walk down the road with. There isn't such a high turnover of people here so we are familiar with being familiar..
I wasn't too keen on it and moved to town. I liked being anonomus for most of the time, but have got to know many people now and it's nice having a chat over the fence or while passing in the street or someone to walk down the road with. There isn't such a high turnover of people here so we are familiar with being familiar..
I wonder whether the lack of regard and basic respect people display toward each other is the reason we keep ourselves to ourselves or, is it an effect of our increasingly isolated way of living and the gradual dissolution of the 'community' spirit.
Whether it's a cause or an effect would it be possible to reverse the trend and what would that take?
Whether it's a cause or an effect would it be possible to reverse the trend and what would that take?
I do live in a community - in a country village - and I love it. Our nearest shop is three miles away, and the only place for people to meet is either at our church, or at one of the many events we organise in our village hall. There is a real sense of community here. Although people don't live in each other's pockets, if someone is unwell, or needs help in any way, everybody rallies round to do hospital runs, or housework, or get shopping, and nothing is ever too much trouble. I come from a city, where many of my neighbours were unknown to me, but living in a rural community is a different way of life completely. I wouldn't change this for anything.
I was born and bred a city girl and it shows. I have absolutely no interest in talking to random strangers, indeed I put my ipod on and read books or the paper to avoide any pesky conversation at bus stops in the morning or afternoon as I am generally either not in the mood to talk to anyone due to it being too early or because I spend a great deal of time at work on the phone and so am all talked out. I have customary Londoner politeness which is mistaken for rudeness by thoose less in the know but we walk on one side for a reason and maintain a sensible speed of walking without stopping because we all know that we all have somewhere to go and we don't want to stop you. If you're like me, you appreciate that alot of people want to be left alone to go about their business.
My ex was from a village in Derby. I still remember the first time he took me there, we drove up and he hadn't even shut the car door before three people had said hello and one person had come over to ask if I was the lovely ******? I nearly bolted. I absolutely and utterly hated it. He thought it was lovely and friendly, i thought it was stiffling and reminiscent of the stepford wives and I couldn't wait to leave. I felt that way every time we went. He could never wait to leave London. We compromised in Guildford and were happy enough there for some time.
However, a lot of my family is orignally from Cornwall and I find seaside town life much more suitable to my personality. There's more people so there is still a sense of privacy but there is also a sense of familiarity and the never ending beauty of the sea. Much more of a tranquility and a peace but still with hustle and bustle. I could not live in a village, esecially one that had a tower that gave a great aerial view of the inhabitants and turned them all in to little targets.
Ooooh... I think I just went ona mini rant!
My ex was from a village in Derby. I still remember the first time he took me there, we drove up and he hadn't even shut the car door before three people had said hello and one person had come over to ask if I was the lovely ******? I nearly bolted. I absolutely and utterly hated it. He thought it was lovely and friendly, i thought it was stiffling and reminiscent of the stepford wives and I couldn't wait to leave. I felt that way every time we went. He could never wait to leave London. We compromised in Guildford and were happy enough there for some time.
However, a lot of my family is orignally from Cornwall and I find seaside town life much more suitable to my personality. There's more people so there is still a sense of privacy but there is also a sense of familiarity and the never ending beauty of the sea. Much more of a tranquility and a peace but still with hustle and bustle. I could not live in a village, esecially one that had a tower that gave a great aerial view of the inhabitants and turned them all in to little targets.
Ooooh... I think I just went ona mini rant!
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I have lived all over the shop both here and abroad and spent a considerable number of years in London .
Yep I know the ones who race along as if their lives depended on it and wouldn't give you the time of day . I often wonder how they would feel when they need a friendly face at some stage .
I made lots of lovely friends during my time in London and had lovely neighbours all of whom I still keep in touch with .
I really could not exist without some sort of human contact even if the lady on the bus does bore me tears about her corns .No skin off my nose to chat to her .
That's the trouble these days .People are too wrapped up in their own little worlds to spare someone a kind word .
I think we have become insular and you can blame that on the breakdown in society as it is today .
Out of town anonymous shopping centres ,very few High Streets and local shops and so on .Families don't stay in the same areas .Needs must the devil drives etc .
I'm not a fan of net curtain peepers either but I like it where I live now in a small town by the sea .The natives are mostly friendly and I have family near which is nice .
We do tend to congregate as a family but I like that .I like to feel part of something.
I could never live a completely insular life .
Mind you ..I could do without her next door :))
Yep I know the ones who race along as if their lives depended on it and wouldn't give you the time of day . I often wonder how they would feel when they need a friendly face at some stage .
I made lots of lovely friends during my time in London and had lovely neighbours all of whom I still keep in touch with .
I really could not exist without some sort of human contact even if the lady on the bus does bore me tears about her corns .No skin off my nose to chat to her .
That's the trouble these days .People are too wrapped up in their own little worlds to spare someone a kind word .
I think we have become insular and you can blame that on the breakdown in society as it is today .
Out of town anonymous shopping centres ,very few High Streets and local shops and so on .Families don't stay in the same areas .Needs must the devil drives etc .
I'm not a fan of net curtain peepers either but I like it where I live now in a small town by the sea .The natives are mostly friendly and I have family near which is nice .
We do tend to congregate as a family but I like that .I like to feel part of something.
I could never live a completely insular life .
Mind you ..I could do without her next door :))
I was thinking about this walking to work this morning.
I pass a gentleman setting up his fruit and veg stall every morning on the way to work and was thinking theother day that I should say morning to him so I've started doing so :)
I was walking back from town the other day and a guy stopped me to ask me directions to help find his friend's flat, only his second day in the country.
I walked him there as it was a fair way away and didn't want him to end up lost. We had an interesting chat about how he had asked other people for help both in London and Manchester and people just ignored him and kept on walking.
I think it's maybe coming from a smaller place as I think you kind of see communitiy in whatever you have.
There's a blind gentleman who I always look out for to help him cross road and negotiate stuff in the street. I don't expect people to do that as such but those who just push past him or take no notice when he's having trouble as there are road works in the street etc, that I find hard to take.
A very good friend of mine was made in Leeds when we used to be at the same bus stop in the morning to go to (different) unis - we got chatting and became great mates.
I pass a gentleman setting up his fruit and veg stall every morning on the way to work and was thinking theother day that I should say morning to him so I've started doing so :)
I was walking back from town the other day and a guy stopped me to ask me directions to help find his friend's flat, only his second day in the country.
I walked him there as it was a fair way away and didn't want him to end up lost. We had an interesting chat about how he had asked other people for help both in London and Manchester and people just ignored him and kept on walking.
I think it's maybe coming from a smaller place as I think you kind of see communitiy in whatever you have.
There's a blind gentleman who I always look out for to help him cross road and negotiate stuff in the street. I don't expect people to do that as such but those who just push past him or take no notice when he's having trouble as there are road works in the street etc, that I find hard to take.
A very good friend of mine was made in Leeds when we used to be at the same bus stop in the morning to go to (different) unis - we got chatting and became great mates.
I am pretty much as China has described above, bought up in East London at a time when you knew your neighbours and what they were up to and what not. It was a community back then really, with street parties, going round the neighbours for an evening, baby sitting each others kids, meeting up down the social club etc.
But as I have grown up and people moved away, that sense of community has eroded and although I am very affable mostly, I am now one of those people China and shaney has referred to. London can be a very unfriendly place.
Like shaney, I have moved all over the place and remain in contact with various people in various places, but I don�t feel that I ever felt a sense of �community� in those places. Of course I had friends and a social life, but not what I would call neighbourly friends. Even living in expat communities and villa complexes I never felt that sense. My wife often says I am too private, especially as I don�t like �nosey neighbours� knowing my business and harping on about all of theirs.
That being said, I have recently moved to the midlands and I have been staggered by the friendliness of the people here. I now live in an area of young professionals with families � usually the snooty type. But we received welcome (to the road) cards, some champagne and wine from all our neighbours on the drive. A little girl even made us some fairy cakes and bought a toy when they found out we had a young daughter. The bus drivers say good morning and �thanks mate�, the guys in the coffee shop say good morning and have a nice day. It is all alien to me, but I am warming to the openness and sense of community that the people in my road convey, even if they do pop around every 5 minutes to tell us about the school fete on Saturday, to play with my daughter or just to say hi.
I am what one would call an insular neighbour, but I am fast becoming open minded to neighbourly interaction.
But as I have grown up and people moved away, that sense of community has eroded and although I am very affable mostly, I am now one of those people China and shaney has referred to. London can be a very unfriendly place.
Like shaney, I have moved all over the place and remain in contact with various people in various places, but I don�t feel that I ever felt a sense of �community� in those places. Of course I had friends and a social life, but not what I would call neighbourly friends. Even living in expat communities and villa complexes I never felt that sense. My wife often says I am too private, especially as I don�t like �nosey neighbours� knowing my business and harping on about all of theirs.
That being said, I have recently moved to the midlands and I have been staggered by the friendliness of the people here. I now live in an area of young professionals with families � usually the snooty type. But we received welcome (to the road) cards, some champagne and wine from all our neighbours on the drive. A little girl even made us some fairy cakes and bought a toy when they found out we had a young daughter. The bus drivers say good morning and �thanks mate�, the guys in the coffee shop say good morning and have a nice day. It is all alien to me, but I am warming to the openness and sense of community that the people in my road convey, even if they do pop around every 5 minutes to tell us about the school fete on Saturday, to play with my daughter or just to say hi.
I am what one would call an insular neighbour, but I am fast becoming open minded to neighbourly interaction.
Actually reading my post above, I can also say that my insular persona is reflected in my presence on Answerbank. I consider myself an outsider with the odd point to make or bit of interaction, without actually being any part of a �gang� or community. I don�t want to be friends with anyone here really. So in AB, I choose to be insular.
Conversely though, I don�t find myself warming to any Answerbank neighbourly love, or changing any time soon.
Conversely though, I don�t find myself warming to any Answerbank neighbourly love, or changing any time soon.
I think the reason for people to have insular personality is mainly due to the media, TV, Internet, and all these things that have forced people into the lofts of their homes. Then is the fear of upsetting someone. I am from Pakistan as many know and even there life is different from area to area. In older areas people know each other. There almost everyone knows every single person in the whole area, let alone next door or street neighbours. But as every where now slowly things have and are changing for the same reasons as described by many here. People are easily upset. So others decided to stay away and keep to themselves. You feel sorry to think about all these things but the truth is that this is the way forward and this the future unfortunately.
I live in a village and we have a great sense of community. I don't know everyone in the village, but do know quite a lot of people. We have half a dozen shops (local shop and post office, hairdressers, chippy, off licence etc) and three pubs, and I never go out without speaking to someone, even if it's just a 'hello' to someone I only know by sight. Personally I love living in a community, there is always someone to help you if you need help (by giving you a lift, or 'lending' you a cup of sugar), and I make sure I always return favours. With my immediate neighbours, at holiday time we put out each others bins, and keep an eye on the house. In fact one neighbours house was broken into whilst she was on holiday, it was noticed the next morning, the police informed, the place secured, and the thieves caught, all before she came back.
We have made some brilliant friends here, and it is great for the kids (now teenagers) as there is always someone to knock around with. And I would know if they were up to mischief, because someone would tell me!
Personally, I love it.
We have made some brilliant friends here, and it is great for the kids (now teenagers) as there is always someone to knock around with. And I would know if they were up to mischief, because someone would tell me!
Personally, I love it.
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