Words and Meanings

[marval]

Asthma: What you do if dad says no

Beauty Parlour: A place where women curl up and dye.

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.

Egosurfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.

Floppy: The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet of junk food.

Gentleman: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife's permission to say so.

Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper

Joint Checking Account: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting build-up of dirt and crud found on
computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque."

Lactomangulation: Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container
so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.

Nanogram: Telegram delivered by your grandmother

Organ Transplant: Time to call the piano movers

Pasteurize: Too far to see

Recovery room: Place to do upholstery

Spouse: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you'd stayed single in the first place.

Telecrastination: The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Urine: Opposite of "You're Out".

Vulva: Swedish automobile.

World Wide Wait: The real meaning of WWW.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed