My friend may have a famous dad

[mrs_overall]

My friend Deb was raised solely by her mum(single parent) and the mum would never reveal who the father was. The mum died 10 years ago. Deb has one elderly auntie still alive. Earlier this week the auntie called Deb and told her it was on her conscience that Deb didn't know who her father was, and she wanted to put the record straight before she died. She gave Deb a name - it is one of the 1966 England football team.
I say she should let sleeping dogs lie, but the auntie is urging Deb to contact him.
Any thoughts?

[DEN53]

Is it one still alive, Mrs. O. ?

[craft1948]

There's all sorts to take into consideration.............is he married?..........was he married at the time of her conception?

[craft1948]

lol den...there's no mention of a medium.

[mrs_overall]

We have done some digging and Deb's mum & this guy were living near each other at the relevant time.
He is married - he wasnt married at the time but met his wife around that time .
Yes, he is very much alive

[boxtops]

From close experience of similar with a personal relative (not a footballer, I hasten to add) this relative contacted her alleged parent via the Salvation Army who were very helpful. They have a way of writing to the suggested parent (I don't know the wording) saying someone is trying to trace a relative and may they put them in touch. The parent may not want to know, after all - the parent will probably have their own family and may not even know about the baby all those years ago. Unless your friend wants to go ahead and risk either denial or rejection, I would agree to let sleeping dogs lie. What evidence does the auntie have that this story is true?

I do wonder why the auntie spilled the beans after all this time - sometimes clearing your own conscience can cause havoc with other people's lives. I'd have left it - it's nearly 50 years in the past.

[steg]

if i found out my dad was english, never mind an english world cup winner i think i would have to top my self

[McMouse]

He'll get a "gagging order"

[NOX]

I think she should discreetly get in touch with him if she wants to find her father- the fact he's ' famous' shouldn't and doesn't matter. She might get a warm reception or he might not want to know, but as he was unmarried when she was concieved and it was clearly a long time ago, I can't see it would cause a huge amount of angst if carefully handled, and besides if your friend is discreet she can play it by ear once she's spoken to him.

[mrs_overall]

I've told her it is not worth riskng denial & rejection - she has managed 54 years so far without a dad! I also think it is not worth destroying someones' marriage over this.

I have to say, she IS a dead ringer for the guy

[craft1948]

steg have you never found your dad?

[ttfn]

I feel sorry for her mrs_o. It is impossible for me to comtemplate that situation. Does the heart or mind make the decision? Her mum had her reasons for keeping her secret from her - right or wrong. The aunt had the same right, imo. I wish her well whatever she decides.

[MarkRae]

> dead ringer

Please say it's not Nobby Stiles...

[mrs_overall]

lol craft!

[steg]

lol, i have someone that claims to be him

[NoMercy]

Of course she should contact him. Why should she be denied the chance to meet her father. Whether or not he accepts her is down to him and his conscience, but she has every right to TRY and establish contact.

[boxtops]

I'm biting my lip not to ask which one.... but I won't. It's not only the bloke's reception of the news, it's his family. If he knew about the baby, then he may have kept it from his wife all those years, or she may have known and forgiven. Someone turning up after so many years could split the family (it did in the case I know of).

There may have been an agreement to keep it secret for the best for all concerned, and the auntie's broken the secret because she can't live with herself otherwise. I think she's done the wrong thing.

If I was the bloke and I got a letter all these years later saying "I think I'm your daughter" - I don't know how I'd feel, particularly if the rest of my family and grandchildren didn't know.

[boxtops]

Mark, that would have been my question...;-)

[boxtops]

... and NOM, we don't know that it IS the father, we don't know if it's really true or whether the aunt believes it's true.

[ttfn]

btw - I don't believe the father's 'famous' status should have any bearing on your friend's decision.

[Sqad]

She will never really settle in her own mind until she contacts her biological father and this should be done as discretely as possible.

The ball then is firmly in his court to act accordingly.