Rip Ronnie Corbett

[Hopkirk]

“A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. ‘When did you last have a smoke?’ she asks. ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, ‘When did you last have a drink?’ He said, ‘Five years ago.’ So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, ‘And when was the last time you played around?’ He looks at her in amazement and says: ‘You’re not telling me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there?’”

[waterboatman]

:o}

[Chipchopper]

I think some of the best were the "news bulletins"

This is a good one from the great little man : A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

[Chipchopper]

Apparently he had to be careful about wearing too much tartan, otherwise he ended up looking like a Thermos flask.

[marval]

Another one

In a drive to improve standards in service and hygiene, a West End hotel today dismissed a waiter for having his thumb in the soup. They also dismissed a topless waitress for two similar offences.”

[retrocop]

http://tinypic.com/r/348p000/9

[Jackdaw33]

My favourite bit was the musical duets at the end. They were so funny and clever.

[mikey4444]

LOL Hoppy !

[Ken4155]

We've just heard that a juggernaut of onions has shed it's entire load all over the M1. Police have advised motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on.