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Canary42 | 20:00 Fri 24th Apr 2020 | Jokes

4 Answers

The plumber said, “Why haven’t you paid the bill for the work I did for you last Friday?”

Paddy replied. “Well it wasn’t what you quoted”

The plumber responded, “I didn’t give you a quote”.

Paddy replied, “Yes you did. When I asked you which day you could come and carry out the work you said you were free on Friday."

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I cycled round to the local off-licence to stock up with a bottle of whisky to aid my lockdown blues. As I put it in my basket I thought,”What if I fall off my bike on the way home, the bottle will probably break".

So I drank it all outside the shop there and then.

Good thing I did, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.

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A woman was up in Court today for stock-piling ice cream, tinned fruit, and raspberry sauce. In her defence, she claimed she was preparing for self-isolation for a month of Sundaes.