Why does my Ex keep doing this???

[laurensaxo]

Hey.

Would appreciate any advice.. will try to make the story short as!

Basically, My ex boyfriend of 3.5 years and I broke up a year ago, due to me going traveling and problems in the relationship, after discussion he thought it would be easiest to end it.. We were best friends, very close and done everything together.

However, ever since[a whole year has past] he won't leave me alone.. I do still care about him loads and think i will always love him to some degree, but I really want to 'move on' the thing is he won't let me... and i feel stupid to let him control me.
He calls random when i say lets not have contact and then drunk saying he ' wants to see me, loves me, i'm the only person he can talk too etc' and comes round to my house random, it is always him that initiates contact in some way giving the idea that he is interested.... But the thing is he then says he "doesn't want to get back together " I have made the mistake of sleeping with him, in the belief he wanted to make it work.

Part of me did and maybe still does, because i do still love him, and feel it was my fault the relationship turned the way it did, [i was quite controlling and possesive] but I would definately change, the breakup has made me realise a lot. . I feel regret still to this day how I was.

I think he just doesn't want me to move on.... when i had another boyfriend, he completely interfered and pretty much broke us up./..... he has another on off relationship with this girl, keeps on rubbing it my face on fbook, it's weird a weird one. But hey,

Please help, I'm so confused, i have talked to him, but still he makes no sense..

Thank you, anyone with similar experiences would be great to hear from you!!

Lucy

[laurensaxo]

I went traveling for 4 months last year..I'm at uni now ,started in september [i'm 21]

[ummmm]

Stop contact. Don't answer the phone or door to him.

[laurensaxo]

The thing is we are at the same university and cross paths a lot, makes things bit more awkward.. But he is in his last year and will finish soon. I want to be friends and or work things out though, he just won't be straight about anything.

[laurensaxo]

I just don't know if this is a typical thing guys do to boost their ego and know i'm still caring for him.. or wether he genuinely does care and maybe deep down want to try again?

[karenmac60]

He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you and it boosts his ego to keep you dangling. Keep away from him , don't waste your time regretting what is in the past - you can't change it now and too much has happened to start again with him. There would always be resentments and throwing things in each other's faces. Avoid any contact with him at all and move on with your life. Part of the problem seems to be you feeling guilty and maybe letting him walk over you because of that guilt. Let it go and enjoy your life.

[laurensaxo]

wow, thank you. I really needed to hear that. The guilt is definately a big part of it, and I really need to just accept the reality and move on. You are definately right.

[jno]

if the worst comes to the worst, and you tell him you want no more contact with him and he ignores it, you can report harassment to the police. No, it's not typical male behaviour, and it doesn't matter whether the breakup was your fault or not; you're entitled to choose who you have contact with.

[cherrychapstick]

sorry i am going to be blunt lauren ,he doesn't want you and doesn't want anyone else to either cut your ties with him especially on facebook i did have a similar experience and stayed friends with my ex which turned bad after he went on my bebo and messed around with stuff ,we never spoke for over 6 months i do talk to him now but he knows not to phone and knows not to come to my house.we text each other now and again but that is as far as it goes

[Old_Geezer]

He sounds as confused with how he feels as you do.
Whatever the reason though, I think the easiest way out is to stop being contactable. At least for a few years. If you send out signals that the door might be open, then the situation will never move on.

[laurensaxo]

Thanks, really appreciate the advice it's so helpful to see from another persons prospective. We both need to let go...It's been over a year now! He knows every time he contacts it just confuses and hurts me, it gratifies his ego and that is why he doesn't let me go.
He has another on off gfriend, so it's unfair he keeps doing this on her as well, there was one time he pretty much tried to force me in bed when I was upset saying leave me alone you just upset me, and had to physically push him away and run.

I need to stop being weak, the guilt is a big part, i never felt he was good enough for me and treated him pretty bad, but karma has done it's magic i have payed!
None of this is worth stressing over so much, people are going through ALOT worse things out there.

Lauren x

[cherrychapstick]

Lauren don't think of it like that ,yes other people have other things that maybe worse but this is bad enough for you to ask advice take it from someone who has been there at the time it is for you the worst thing in the world just be strong and keep your distance he will get the message make him see that you are strong (even though you may not be) if he has 1 glimpse that you are weak he will keep hurting you by staying in your life till you break

good luck x

[Whoever]

Sounds as if your ex-boyfriend still doesn't really know what he wants and hasn't yet got the maturity to recognise that he needs some time and space to sort his emotions out. He wants contact with you but doesn't want to commit and at your young ages, this is probably sensible. But you sound as if you're beginning to feel "stalked" by his continual contact which is not good.

I think you need to be harder with him. Tell him you want to be friends, but nothing more as his continual attention is distracting you from your university commitment. Suggest to him that your personalities are both changing as you are maturing and growing up and that you both having some personal space away from each other will help you sort your feelings out. Also, tell him that your find his drunken behaviour is becoming emotionally abusive and that if he can't control himself, you will break off your friendship altogether. Be tough. You probably need to move on, and he probably needs to grow up.