Is It Proper For My Grandsons To Open My Refrigerator At Will?

[godfreygirl143]

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, just picky or what. I have 2 grandsons age 7 and 10 and every time they come over they go right to my refrigerator and begin asking for things and eating whatever they can find. I live on Social Security and have a VERY limited grocery budget. Many times they have just eaten, but they still do it. They also go into my bedroom and it makes me nervous because after they leave, I can see they've been in my drawers and other things. I disciplined them once and my daughter in law didn't speak to me for almost a year. It took me a very long time to finely find out from my son that it was because I disciplined the boys. I had them over for dinner, spent a LOT of time making a meal I knew the kids and adults would like and my younger grandson wouldn't eat and kept asking for hamburger. When I said I didn't have any, he said "YES you do!"....(I didn't) What I said was "when you go to someones home to eat, you should eat what's put in front of you." Evidently this made her angry. I have never, EVER given her advice on raising the boys or said anything negative to her at all about disciplining them. I never do that to them or my daughter's children. It's THEIR children and I've already done my job...it's their turn now. That is the only time I've ever said anything, but it was just getting very irritating. We never even got to visit that night because the youngest one grabbed all the attention by wanting things I didn't have.

Maybe it's just me and a different generation, but my children knew NOT to get into other people's things, go into other rooms and NEVER, EVER to open someones refrigerator.....even their grandmother's. It's gotten to where I almost hate to know they are coming over with my son. I live in a senior citizen building and they ran through the halls, went up and down the elevator and ran up and down the stairs. I know because they came back in and told us what they'd been doing and their mom just smiled. There are rules here and that's not allowed but I was afraid to say anything for fear I'd make her mad. I just don't know how to handle this delicately, but I think I have a right to have rules too. What do you all think and how would you handle this? Thank you.

[Sqad]

How would I handle this?

I would tell my son/daughter that their sons (my grandson's) behaviour was unacceptable and that unless the following rules were obeyed, i would not be prepared to have them to visit me.

I am serious about this and so is Mrs sqad.

You may well lose your grandchildren and your son and daughter -in law, but for me, it would be a price well worth paying.

Your choice.

[LoftyLottie]

I absolutely agree with you. I was brought up like you and likewise brought my son up the same. Even at home when he was little he would ask before going to fridge to get any food out. And no way would he go through any drawers in my room. And I wasn't a strict parent.

I really don't know what to suggest.

Sorry :o(

[VHG]

Sadly she sounds like a very poor mother bringing up two very rude and selfish children.

I am not sure what you can do about it as it seems if you raise anything as a concern she reacts very badly to it.

And if you get too strong with them she will stop coming.

Would it do any good to write her a letter GENTLY putting some of these concerns in writing.

Trouble is you may never see her or them again.

[ummmm]

I've always looked in peoples fridges so it wouldn't bother me.

It was more out of nosiness though.

I've never been through anyones drawers though. I'd be very unhappy about that.

[mazie]

Clips round the ears is what they need. I have 3 grandchildren and they would never dream of taking anything from the biscuit drawer or the fridge. It also sounds like your DiL could do with one as well.....You need to stand your ground on this once and for all godfreygirl

[LoftyLottie]

I agree with Sqad. I do sometimes ;o)

[EvianBaby]

When my dad has his grand kids over the rule is simple, if you want something you ask for it. Chances are he will say yes but you don't just help yourself. He adores them but in his home it's his rules and you either accept that or don't go round. The result is well mannered, respectful children.

[ummmm]

I should point out that I'd be very annoyed if someone helped themselves to food in my fridge without asking.

[Old_Geezer]

Probably easy for me to say since I don't have grandchildren whom I'm desperate to be part of their life. But I think you should 'have it out' with the parents, and approach your son first. Point out if he can not teach his children to stop stealing and rummaging thorough other folks' private things then regretfully they won't be welcome.

Maybe you could be a little more tactfully a to how you tell your side of things in order to discourage a broken link with the kids, after all it's not their fault they have poor parents; but ultimately what is more important to you ?

[Mamyalynne]

My four grandchildren do not go in the fridge, they may wander in with the biscuit tin with a pleading look in their eye and it is dealt with according to how far away the meal is , what I cook is what I know they like - so if they refuse it that is the end of that.

Due to my layout they do sometimes end up in my room, but the bed and any drawers etc are off limits.

age range 2 - 10 years.

[pixie373]

It's not a generational thing. These children need to learn some manners and in your home, it's your rules. Make it quite clear what will and won't be accepted and make sure your son and daughter-in-law are aware. The mother might get into a strop -let her. Hopefully, your son might bring them to visit, even if she doesn't. You'll be doing them a favour if you teach them a bit of respect, as obviously, their parents aren't. You don't need to get involved in their homelife (i know you aren't) unless there is cause for concern. But your house- your rules

[Octavius]

"Maybe it's just me and a different generation"

Not necessarily, my chidren - slightly younger than your grandkids - would never dream of going tinto the fridge unless told to, and wouldn't take anything unless offered. And as for going into drawers in your bedroom, well I never.

Sounds like it is your SON who needs a kick up the harris.

[mazie]

For me it's the DiL I would have an issue with. She seems to condone this behaviour and expects you to give in to the whims of her children.....You need to start there, I would. You've bought up well behaved children, you manage on a tight budget, you deserve some Respect godfreygirl.... I'll come round and have a word if you like ;o)

[viv38]

I feel sorry for you godfrey. These kids are well out of control due to total lack of discipline from their parents. You should NOT have to put up with this and if telling your son and daughter in law results in them withdrawing from you, then I'm with Sqad, you'd be better off. I'd just concentrate on the friends you have and enjoy their company. At least you'd have peace of mind.

[Everhelpful]

I have the same problem with my Son-in-Law,just helps himself to anything in the house.I never say anything because I love having my Grandchildren here and, He is very good to me in other ways. Maybe it is the way He was brought up but I have to bite my tongue on most occasions.I sympathise with your plight as I know how difficult it must be for you.

[Robinia]

I agree with everyone, it's very bad manners. Like Lottie, even my own sons didn't just help themseves when they were small.

[andres]

You will have to be firm on this one. The boys behaviour is totally unacceptable.First I would speak to the daughter -in-law and ask her if she would mind if you talked to the boys . That way she wouldn't feel as though you were going behind her back and hopefully she will agree . If not ,have a word with your son .You say that he 'brings them over ' so he should be aware of their unruly behaviour.

[godfreygirl143]

Thanks for all of your advice and making me feel better. I was beginning to feel like an ogre or mean, out of it grandma. But I DO feel like I have a right to have rules in MY house....even if it is an apartment....and to have my son and wife respect that too. I just don't know how to have that talk. My son has pulled me out of some financial jams several times and I know he would ALWAYS be there for me if I needed him....it's just the boys and I love them dearly....but it's very hard to love bad behavior. Dealing with it....I'm just not sure how as yet. They both (son and his wife) seem to be very sensitive to this. HO HUM!!!!

[godfreygirl143]

OH....I forgot to say that I had it set up for them to come over at least once a month for a nice dinner with me. But, when the boys acted this way on 2 occasions, I stopped asking them over. What on earth can you fix for boys when their mother brings in a whole bag of extra "special" food to fix for them when I've worked hard on a very good dinner???

[viv38]

Then you will have to talk to them godfrey and see how it goes. You can't leave it, can you? Would you consider showing them this thread ?