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Would you? Could you?
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I went to a Polterabend last night. Just to explain, it’s what the Germans have instead of hen and stag nights. The bride and groom host a party – normally a big one – and friends and relatives of all ages come along for the free food and drink. Sorry, they come along to wish the happy couple well and bring presents, since the wedding itself is normally confined to a small group of people. The word Polterabend is connected to the verb poltern – to crash around (cf Poltergeist). The first time I attended one I was somewhat perplexed when the OH asked if I had an old plate or something I wanted to get rid of. Turns out everyone is expected to bring crockery, porcelain etc. and throw it at a wall, the ground or whatever to break it. This brings luck, apparently. People renovating houses often bring old sinks, wash basins or loos. Takes some throwing but they manage it. Games are also sometimes played.
Last night’s party was a really big one. Seemed like half the village was there. And I hadn’t been there very long when some people came along wheeling a little cart, the sort they use round here to transport crates of beer or anything else that’s too big, heavy or unwieldy to carry. On the cart was a loo, liberally smeared and spattered with brown stuff, the bowl (being a German loo it featured an inspection shelf) full of the brown goo and a small bit of scrumpled paper. The bride and groom were presented with spoons and instructed to eat. Which they did. It was a sort of chocolate custard. Now to be fair this particular loo still bore a label suggesting it was brand new, but a couple of friends and I agreed that under no circumstances would we be able to bring ourselves to eat from it because the connotations were just too horrible. The question is, could you do it? Where would you draw the line?
Last night’s party was a really big one. Seemed like half the village was there. And I hadn’t been there very long when some people came along wheeling a little cart, the sort they use round here to transport crates of beer or anything else that’s too big, heavy or unwieldy to carry. On the cart was a loo, liberally smeared and spattered with brown stuff, the bowl (being a German loo it featured an inspection shelf) full of the brown goo and a small bit of scrumpled paper. The bride and groom were presented with spoons and instructed to eat. Which they did. It was a sort of chocolate custard. Now to be fair this particular loo still bore a label suggesting it was brand new, but a couple of friends and I agreed that under no circumstances would we be able to bring ourselves to eat from it because the connotations were just too horrible. The question is, could you do it? Where would you draw the line?
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It was fairly obviously new and people aren't that cruel, but even so. I travelled there with a couple of friends and their son, who is two months short of his second birthday. When his mother was getting ready he was trying hard to play with the loo brush. So now is he not only going to have to be prevented from throwing the plates around when he eats, but he will have to be convinced that it is not a good idea to look further into the loo.
I used to go to Germany with my work. I don`t miss Europe at all (I`ve never been into Europe really) but the one place I do miss a little bit is Germany. I`ve had some brilliant nights out there. My cousin lives in Hamburg and I have never been met with anything but friendliness and hospitality. I don`t think the Germans are that much removed from us really. We`ve certainly got more in common with them culturally than we have in some other parts of Europe.
