I Have
I have been playing Guitar for two years, two weeks and 5 days. I should probably stop and have a rest.
I can’t believe the price of bubble wrap now. It is five quid a pop.
On my first day of pre-school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was all alone, surrounded by trees and bushes.
I walked downstairs this morning to find an obese monk meditating in the middle of my kitchen. “What on Earth’s this?” I asked my partner, utterly perplexed. “Well,” he said. “You did say we should get a deep fat Friar.”
I work in a factory where it’s my job to fit metal pipes to the back of cars to release waste fumes into the atmosphere. It’s exhausting.
I wanted to sue the manufacturers of my two-legged tripod, but I was told it would never stand up in court.
I am going to make a fortune making posh hats. This time next month, I’ll be a milliner.
My partner phoned me today to tell me that the fire alarm had gone off. I didn’t even realise it had a sell by date.
I am a successful prop designer. My work could be holding up your washing line.