Quickies...................

[Shaglene]

I was at a family party yesterday when my Mum started reminiscing about the Summer of '69.
It could have been worse, she could have told everyone about her Autumn of anal.
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At a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is :
Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were "Take That" what were the second two.
After a lengthy silence a wee Glesga man stands up and says.." was it.. Ya B4$***?"
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Last night my date said, "So how come you haven't already been snapped up?"
I replied, "I've been married before, but it didn't work out. She said I was far too inattentive."
"Oh, that's so sad! Did you have any kids?"
"Probably."
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There’s a dwarf on Good Morning Britain, arguing that dwarf wrestling is offensive...
He wasn’t Happy.
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My Son came home from the fishmongers, *** up the wall, *** on his Mum and punched the dog.
"What's your problem?" He asked, "You said I could do what the eff I wanted when I had my own plaice."
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When i was younger my family was so poor that if i didnt wake up with a hard on christmas morning i didnt have anything too play with.