Is Ab/Cb The Best Place To Get Help?

[Bobbisox1]

Oor very good friend passed away last Friday morning, he was the one in the partnership that did most stuff, she has no idea about computers ,mobiles Or anything really, I've been there every day since early Friday and dealt on her behalf with the undertaker ,the Registrar,his private pension and shares,Virgin Media ,The list is endless And I don't mind doing it but I thought I might take a break today but I've had 5 phone calls all before 12 noon, in one she was hysterical saying a man was going to 'block' her from using the computer , she can't use one anyway and explained as gently as I could that this was a 'cold call' to put the phone down, I said I'd get VM to shield her phone but she doesn't know what to do then, this is not the time to tell her she'd have to deal with stuff but I'm there for her,she won't ,I really fear for her future, she's 78
Sorry but I just need to offload to people who don't know her or me

[pixie374]

Bobbi, does she have any family who may be able to act as her POA? No doubt she isn't in the best frame of mind to work everything out, and it's good of you to help her x but maybe, for the future, there may be someone else who can deal with this kind of thing for her?

[Bobbisox1]

Only a nephew in New Zealand who I've been in touch with via email,she relays heavily on my son in law and daughter and us which I don't mind it just seems when I'm not there she's going into meltdown

[Bobbisox1]

// relies///

[woofgang]

Does she need to answer the phone at all short term?

[Bobbisox1]

She's deaf in one ear woof but there's people ringing to say how sorry they are for her loss, I've been taking most calls when I've been there

[pixie374]

It must all be quite overwhelming just now. If it helps, in homecare, some of our calls were mostly admin, making phone calls, paying Bill's, using the computer, etc. It really depends on what she feels most comfortable with, but maybe, even for now, get someone in a couple of times a week, or however often, so she can have some support and leave the stressful things until someone else is there.

[Bobbisox1]

The problem is Pixie,they were people who kept doors locked at all times, it was like Fort Knox getting in, very few got in apart from my family, as his life ebbed away we asked her to get the help of the Macmillan nurses but she ignored this

[pixie374]

That's illegal, bobbi... try somewhere else x

[pixie374]

Apologies, you mean your friends?

[Bobbisox1]

He's gone now Pixie x

[pixie374]

Does she still feel the same way now?

[Bobbisox1]

Yes we asked her of I asked should I as there was a card there but pardon the unfortunate pun , it fell on deaf ears

[Bobbisox1]

Yes she's the same now, the history in short is they married in 63 , divorced in 68 as he was ' naughty' as she puts it, met again in 98 and remarried in 2000, obviously the trust of anybody had disappeared

[pixie374]

Difficult... it needs someone able to teach her all this, if she continues to want to do it herself, really.

[Bobbisox1]

That's the frustrating bit, she doesn't want to , a microwave sits on her kitchen worktop unused for over 20 years,I could go on but you wouldn't believe me :0)

[pixie374]

Oh, I would! :-). Maybe she just needs a little more time to settle... and might possibly get to a point where she would welcome some help.

[Bobbisox1]

I am helping her and always will but she can't ever make a decision, I think if I'd said let's have "Follow the Yellow brick Road" at the Crem, she'd have agreed :0)))

[pixie374]

Ah, I know... there is a difference sometimes, though, between regularly helping someone during this kind of situation and being able to do it regularly, forever. It isn't easy and it depends on both of you, what you are able to do. Hopefully, things will start to settle for her a bit, once more of the practicalities are sorted.

[woofgang]

Could you set up a “cannot speak now “ message on the answerphone and turn off the ringer?

[Bobbisox1]

I sincerely hope so Pixie,thanks for the 'chat'