please help i feel stupid but need advice

[confused84]

Hi im going to write this best i can..... I split with my ex at the start of the year, i moved into her house after a long while ago, we ended up splitting up after her wrong doings and it tore me appart, i moved out and since then i felt a bit lost to be honest cos i was so in love. Anyway i been on my own since and had lots of flings since to cheer myself up. I was begining to start getting used to being alone, even though i wasnt happy with it. I went on a dating site to see what else is out their as i pretty much cut myself off from most my friends so going out is a bit tricky sometimes. I met this girl a couple of weeks ago from the site. When i first sore her i thought oh my god, she was the most gorgeous thing id lay my eyes on. Before this i was on the phone to her for hours and we have the same humour and she was so funny and made me feel extremely happy. We seen eachother a few times and even stayed with her. We have also had sex three times and it was pretty amazing feeling. Sitting on the sofa cuddling laughing and looking at her gorgeous smile, she is extremely attractive!!! you could say i got it bad and i never felt i would again. Im fussy and i find it hard to meet people. But this was some amzing feeling i was getting and i felt a teenager again. She used to say morning and night to me by text, the feeling was just getting better!!! i was on a high! But now its slowly been more and more difficult to get hold of her and when i do she is on the phone short and sharp then vanishes. She stopped taking my calls answering my texts everything!! I feel like i have done something wrong cos it has gone from one extreme to the other, she said i was getting para about her being off with me but its now been 2 days and its very out the ordinary! I feel all torn up and i feel used and abused, i cant help but have this tiny heartbreak going on inside me and feel like crying.

[confused84]

carried on...................
We was ment to be spending the weekend together but she said she forgot she had a girly birthday to go to. We agreed that sunday i will go to see her but she has not said a time to go round or anything, i was thinking of going early in the moring cos maybe their is someone else?? it takes an hour to drive too. I need some advice please as im feeling so hurt and confused and i never wanted to feel this, i really thought we were different because honestly we got on so well!!!! How can it change like this all of a sudden? please help

[jno]

well, it sounds like she's started to find it a bit intense and is trying to back off. It doesn't mean she has used or abused you, just that she may be having second thoughts. This happens sometimes. I can understand your feeling shattered; but there's not a lot you can do about it. Try to back off a bit yoruself - leave her in peace for a week, then approach her, not too enthusiastically, asking if she'd like to meet for coffee or something... if she doesn't answer, well, that's probably it. Tough, I know, but people are always entitled to change their minds.

[confused84]

very true, everyone has a right to change their mind, but surely being honest and saying "look i dont think its working out" or saying something when i ask??? This why im confused cos we was very chatty and laughed all the time and its gone straight to nothing????

[sara3]

I think jno has covered it perfectly.

you do sound very intense. I know you're upset and disappointed, but back off a little and see how it looks in a few weeks. give her time to miss you, and if she doesn't.. well, chin up. it has to be right for both parties.

[confused84]

but she was just the same as me, i thought we felt the same??? see how im so confused? if you lost interest in someone surely you would just say over a text if you found it hard to say so?? instead of just leaving someone dead in the water??

[dot.hawkes]

i'm sorry but sitting on the sofa cuddling and looking into her eyes is not sex, you sound a tad immature for a grown up relationship, just relax and let her get on with her life

[legend.isgod]

LKooks like its over.
Why not go out and have some more of those flings yu mentioned as they seem to have made you happy.


Shes deffo fed up and ready to , if not already in the process of , moving on.


D T H?�'

[sara3]

I absolutely agree with you. you deserve to be put in the picture.

as a dating site user I'll give you my theory.

you go online looking for that one someone special. you register and suddenly get swamped with messages and hey, everyone fancies you! (just like the real world, huh?) you meet someone and perhaps they seem perfect.. but what about the others who were interested?

some people just get addicted to the "thrill" of dating sites, and just keep going back to see who else may be interested.. and they just might pass up on something special. they lose sight of what the initial aim was.

if that's the case, I'm sorry. maybe she's just not as mature as you and doesn't know how to let someone down gently and you're right.. you deserve to know where you stand.

[confused84]

dot.hawkes sitting on the sofa looking into eachothers eyes is not sex no, but we actually had it... Im a responsible father of one who i won residence of. You could say you have to be grown up and mature to bring up a 3 year old, thanks for your opinion all the same :oS

[confused84]

sara3 thank you, i think you honestly think your along the right lines their hun, thanks that was very helpful xx

[jno]

it's also just possible the idea of your child has made her think again. Some people are leery of taking on someone else's child however much they like the parent.

As to why she's cooled off so suddenly - well, in a worst-case scenario she's wondering from the intensity of it all if you're some sort of stalker. I'm not saying you are, or even that she definitely thinks so (I can't read her mind) but it's possible. In such a case she might well back off suddenly and without giving you the courtesy of an apology.

I'll stick with what I said earlier: take a breather, approach her more cautiously again in a little while and see if she's thought about it some more and maybe reconsidered. But then it's up to her and you should not get your hopes up too much.

[maplestar]

I agree with the backing off option - i've been there - i think she's got the right to take a step back - it can only reflet goodlight on you if you respect that. Life would be so much easier if she was just straight with you, but hey it's never that easy, right? I agree the best thing to do is to give her some time and in the mean time, maybe not go out and have a fling, but there's no hard in just going out and meeting people - to try and not feel so lonely. Use this as an oppurtunity to do something you enjoy - maybe quality time with your child? And if you don't feel you have many mates to call upon - maybe arrange a playdate and whilst your kid plays you can have some adult conversation with a fellow parent? Good luck hun, and after a week or so you should be in the know one way or another... Take care.x

[confused84]

Thank you jno you are maiking sense what your saying, and im sorry i forgot to mention about the fact she has a little boy too. Thats where i thought we clicked because we were both single parents, and the fact we are on the same wave length when joking around etc. It was only wednesday just gone i was round there with her and i stayed the night, she asked me to go upstairs cos we fell asleep watching tv. we didnt sleep together that night though, but everything kind of seemed ok.
I have a funny feeling she put a post on here, as by coincidence (sorry for spelling) it kind of relates to my situation. i could be totally wrong

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi confused. It sounds to me as though you have a lot of love and caring to give to the right person, but what jno's said also rings a bell with me as well.
Relationships never survive on the high of the first few meetings, and you sound very intense about this one. You don't have to be in constant touch with someone - rather, give the girl some breathing space. Let her go out with the girls some nights, etc., and don't sit by the phone waiting to hear what went off. Let the girl do her own thing, and if she contacts you, you'll know she's still interested. x

[confused84]

thank you maplestar much appreciated you got that so right, and yes it would of been nice if she was straight after all, im always straight on honest with people. All i ever asked was for her to be honest with how she felt things were going :o)

[confused84]

Ice.maiden i know what you mean, i been so desperate to try to not call but its so hard, your just so constantly itching to see if she will pick up the next time you call. Yeah i have alot to give to the right person and i thought thats what she wanted, she gave that impression to me and she also said about taking our boys to a theme park next week! So this is why im so confused, i never been in such a baffled situation with all these feelings i really havnt :o)

[mandimoo]

you needed a distraction from the pain of the breakup earlier in the year. its understandable, and if it had worked out, it would have got you through and all would be good. youve put all your eggs in this new basket , but the basket got shaken up and now all your eggs are broke. by all means, contact her in a few days time... nothing heavy. but if she is still giving off wierd signals just take a deep breath, muster your self respect and move on.

[mandimoo]

and im sending a hug, cos you sound like you need one x

[confused84]

thank you mandi your lovely, hugs back to you too thanks for the advice il do just that :o) xx

[lil123]

You know i have this happen to me so many times and then I spent some time on my own had some really good counseling as I was in a very unhappy marriage for a long time.
Anyway, now I am happy in myself and don't go for men like that my life is so much better.
Maybe you should spend some time on your own and just make some new friends go out and enjoy yourself then you will meet someone who is right.