If your partner was to go away for a few days with a "mate"...

[Garnier]

would he ask you first if it's ok or would he just go whether it inconveniences you or not?
As you can guess the latter has happened to me.

OH has gone off with a mate for two days leaving me to look after dogs, children etc. He didn't even ask if it was ok or if I minded. Common curtesy I would have thought. I wouldn't dream of going away for a few days without asking if it was ok.

Am I over-reacting or not? TIA

[ummmm]

How much notice did he give you?

[cazzz1975]

well I wouldnt be impressed I will admit. Have you spoken to him about it?

[LoftyLottie]

Not overreacting at all. I don't mind my partner going off, and I go off occasionally (not so much these days for either of us) , but would always discuss it first to get approval.

Perhaps you should just do the same when he returns - book a short break somewhere luxurious and leave him with the kids and dogs!!

[China Doll]

I don't think he would ask but he obviously tell me before hand so any arrangements that needed making could be made or altered. We're both a bit old in the tooth to be asking permission for that sort of thing though.

[Ric.ror]

I agree with Lofty - if its good for the goose etc
I would however give him plenty of notice - you can then take the high moral ground

[ummmm]

My OH wouldn't ask permission either. But he does have the consideration to tell me his plans in advance.

[LoftyLottie]

Actually come to think of it China, we don't ask for approval such much as asking if it is convenient, especially because of dog and cat/working arrangements.

I don't have the desire to go off so much these days. I am getting old and boring!!!

[bednobs]

he wuld ask me, because we'd need to sort out practical stuff. However, he wouldn't expect me to say no!

[cazzz1975]

I agree china however as they have kids who may be young then its necessary to discuss it as his absence may cause problems (childcare ect)

[jno]

CD, I think if children were involved I'd ask rather than tell; arrangements may need to be made. And as much notice as possible.

[Garnier]

Thanks for replying.

He mentioned it on Monday night. I havent spoken to him about it because I didn't think he would go. We have dogs and when we both work (He does shifts) a friend comes in and lets them out. She cannot do it today and tomorrow and I told him this but he just shrugged!

[China Doll]

I agree if you have kiddies and pets etc then it's obviously harder but surely the conversation goes something like 'I was thinking of going away with so and so on weekend of blah blah... have we got anything on then? what do you think?' or something along those lines. It's a conversation about logistics really as with anything. I think I'd be pretty cross if he just upped and went though!

[Garnier]

I would love to be able to book somewhere and disappear for a few days but I would feel so guilty leaving him with dogs and daughter.

[LoftyLottie]

Yes, I agree China, not about asking permission, more about consideration and respect for the other party.

[Bbbananas]

Just wait til he comes back, then you swan off with a 'mate' without any notice - leaving him with the dogs & kids.

[jno]

Monday sounds like way too short notice. I used to give a month or so when I went off on my own; anything less than that and I'd always be prepared to cancel if it caused any inconvenience. The idea of just vanishing and leaving a note saying 'Gone to Hindu Kush, you'll have to do the school run' did not occur to me.

[Bbbananas]

Mother's guilt Garnier - ignore it !

[China Doll]

Well did you say about the dogs on Monday night? I think Monday night for the conversation isn't too hideous a time, especially if it's only just come up atlhough obviously more notice would be better. Why don't you suggest he comes up with a solution to the dog problem before he goes. Or do you just not want him to go period?

[Nosha123]

Do the same back to him.. and dont feel guilty about it either!!!... be even better if you left the house a mess and a load of dirty plates in the sink too!!!

[China Doll]

Tit for tat is a bit petty and way too negative.