Last Misunderstandings

marval | 16:03 Fri 09th Nov 2012 | Jokes

3 Answers

My husband keeps telling me that I’m too organised.

Well he’s not my husband yet but he will be in two years.

Skinny Jeans.

For guys who took "I got in her pants" the wrong way.

I was walking down the high street today when a Jehovah's Witness asked me if I'd thought of converting.

"Yes mate," I replied, "I think turning my attic into a fourth bedroom could raise the value of my house substantially."

I went to an Italian restaurant and after looking at the menu I said to the waiter, "I'll have the Spinotti Vermicelli."

"Sorry Sir," he replied, "but that's not a dish, that's the name of our chef."

I saw an advert today outside a beauticians that offered a "Fish Pedicure".

Since when do fish have nails?

The judge kept interrupting me when I was speaking in court.

I stood up and shouted, "Can I finish my sentence?"

Not the best thing to say when you're applying for parole.

I got on the bus today and said to the driver, "To the new go-kart track please."

"Return?" He said.

"I may do if it's any good."

I have just got back from my first weight watchers meeting.

Everyone got on really well with each other. They laughed and joked and told stories about how they tried to lose weight.

I felt a bit guilty sitting on the balcony with my binoculars and popcorn

I went to the shops to buy some mint chocolates, but I didn't know what to get.

I spoke to the woman on the till. She said: "Do you like hard cores or the softer type?"

"Both, but I'm after the mints, love."

I decided to have a gin and tonic earlier.

"Gordon's?" asked the barman.

"I'd prefer to have my own," I said.

I went into a hotel looking for a room for the night.

The receptionist says "The room is £15 a night. It's £5 if you make your own bed."

I replied "I'll make my own bed."

The receptionist says "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

I brought some new towels and the lady in the shop told me to wash my brand new towels in a cup of salt and cold water.

As hard as I try the bath towel just won’t fit in the cup.