Living With New Partner As A Single Mum...

[joannewatson]

After 3 years of being divorced and over a year of seeing my new partner we have decided to move in together. However, I cant see how people do it when they are a single mother. I receive around £400 tax credits which pay for my childcare costs and get £30 a week from my sons dad. I struggle moneywise but get by, I dont go out, buy new clothes or go abroad on holidays. If my boyfriend moves in I will no longer get tax credits and even though he will be paying half towards the mortgage etc I will still be worse off. I cant expect him to pay towards my son as well.

I am interested to know how other people do it??

[aelmpvw]

Why can't you expect him to pay towards your son? Sounds like a doomed relationship to me

[joannewatson]

My son has a dad who should be paying half towards him and I would never expect anyone else to do that. Besides he wouldnt have anough money to do that

[EvianBaby]

"Why can't you expect him to pay towards your son?"

Er, because he's not his father maybe?

[aelmpvw]

Evian ... er?
If it's a serious relationship he should expect to take some financial responsibility for the child. The fact that it isn't his child is irrelevant.

[friedgreentomato]

put it this way your son is a household cost your new partner will pay 50% towards household costs, if he is not prepared to do that then perhaps he should not move

they come as a package I would not move in with him if he was not willing to pay

[Barmaid]

If you are living in the same household my view is that your are both jointly responsible for the financial needs of the household - whoever that contains.

I pay towards my OH's kids. I don't have to, I just consider it right and proper.

[Maydup]

Is £30 per week enough from his Dad?

[EvianBaby]

The partner probably will contribute to the son in one way or another but I don't see why anyone should be automatically expected to support another persons child financially.

[Booldawg]

well if he's moving in with you he should be paying towards the total household bills. As you are a family then that includes you all.

depends on how much money he has to put towards the household as well though.

[joannewatson]

Hmm, so the answer is dont move in with him :(

[New Judge]

Leaving aside the issue of whether your new partner should contribute towards your son's upkeep, the root cause of your problem is the derisory sum your ex-husband is paying you. If he was living with you it would cost him a fair bit more than £1,500 a year in household costs. No doubt he has made a "clean break" and now has all his income (bar £30) to spend as he sees fit. No such luxury is afforded to you who has to meet all the household costs as well as the (considerable) expenses you incur bringing up your boy.

[bednobs]

if you've been divorced for 3 years, isn't your son old enough to get the 15 hrs Pw free nursery?

[joannewatson]

£30 per week from his dad doesnt go very far, he needs to pay double that and he still wont be paying half. I did ask him for more but he states I am being greedy and as he doesnt live with him he doesnt see why he should. I am considering going through CSA

[EvianBaby]

Would you be so much worse off that you wouldn't be able to cover all the bills together?

Maybe there's some cut backs you could make somewhere?

[joannewatson]

He's 5 and goes to scholl bednobs. He goes to the childminder before and after school and in school holidays which costs me £75pw

[joannewatson]

Evianbaby - I have Sky for the childrens channels and run a car which I need to get to work and the childminders. I dont see where else I can cut costs. I dont go out, buy many clothes or go on holidays abroad. Im feeling a bit sorry for myself! lol

[New Judge]

“….as he doesnt live with him he doesnt see why he should.”

And thereby hangs the tale. Far too many men make the “clean break” that I describe. They set themselves up in nice new premises, have all their income (bar a few bob “maintenance”) to themselves and effectively divorce themselves not only from their wives but from their former lives.

[mccfluff]

does he provide a home for him at all?

[Canary42]

You have two very selfish men to contend with - one who won't pay for his son's upkeep, and one who won't accept your son as a stepson.

Dump him now before it all goes pear-shaped - which it will, and the son will be the one to suffer most, poor little unloved (except by you) mite.

[snags]

''and one who won't accept your son as a stepson''

I got the impression from the OP that it is her decision not to ask her new partner for financial help rather than him not wanting to contribute?