would you do it?

[merciasounds]

Talking to a friend on the phone last night she informed me that my god daughter, (the daughter of a mutual friend of ours) is getting married in October this year, did I know because I hadn't mentioned it - everybody has had their invitation. (hubby and I haven't) Over the years, I've been a little silly with her and indulged her perhaps a little too much with presents that she 'desperately wants', I have also paid for her to go on her last trip with the school (ski-ing to Verbier) bought her tack for her horse, paid for a block of ten driving lessons, and bought her a 'Prom dress and shoes' when she was at Uni. I don't begrudge any of this, but a thank-you note would have been nice. I've told you this back story so you can see what type of girl she is. Anyway she phones me up this morning to tell me she's getting married, and she's not invited me because *I* will be doing the catering. Not asked, TOLD me! There's going to be a marquee on the lawn, etc, and she's coming over to discuss menu's with me next week. I told her not to come, because I wouldn't be doing it, and I put the phone down. she immediately rang back but I switched it to the answering machine. her mother, my friend has phoned too, apologising, saying perhaps we could 'work things out'. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to work out - but am I wrong?

[Count-A-Strong]

Mercia. Your obviously a food fanatic from your posts so I would guess she automatically thought of you when planning her wedding. It would sound like you have indeed spoilt her and her presumption was a little presumtious but I think you may have over reacted. You obviously think the world of her so I would try
to build some bridges.

[Stephen_G]

I don't normally venture in here, but, I'd side with you here mercia. 100%

You're not invited to the wedding but you can provide the catering instead?!!! How insensitive does she want to be? You don't owe her anything. If she wants to know why you're angry then tell her. Maybe you'll get an apology and a huge slice of humble pie (See what I did there?).

[sara3]

you're quite right to be upset. take some time out but let them apologise, and accept it.. but don't back down.

you've been very generous, and she's taken you for granted.

[boxtops]

I sincerely hope that if she's asking you to do the catering, she will be paying you the going rate for it - this is the most expensive part of the majority of wedding days (as I know from my own), and she can't assume, on the basis of what's gone before, that you would just agree to fund that aspect. What a cheek, what an ungrateful little madam.

[bednobs]

personally, i think there is fault on both sides. There is only one reason why she just presumes you will help her for no thanks - because you have helped her a lot of times in the past for no thanks

[horseshoes]

I don't see why you couldn't go to the wedding even if you were to do the catering. Is it so impossible?

[Prudie]

Even if she assumed you'd do the catering it is unbelievably bad manners and thoughtless not to send you an invitation too. I'd be really hurt if it was me.

[momcj]

I dont think it shoud have been presumed you should do it. I would let her apologise, not worth falling out over it and accept the apology but make it clear why you were upset and that on this occasion you do not want to do the catering but would love an invitation, an offer help in deciding menus etc if she would like.

[tamborine]

Charge for your catering......credit-crunch an' all ?

[tinkerbell23]

you should be one of the first to be invited mercia!! xxx

[redcrx]

as you say, youve been silly with her over the years and pandered to her so its no wonder that she has continued in that frame of mind.

why not pay for her catering and go to the wedding as a guest instead :)

[lilacben]

redcrx why should you pay for the catering.? Be blowed if I would, But mercia I would say prehaps you couldsend the mother and goddaughter a letter explaining how annoyed and dissapointed you are with all of this.Explain yoy feel like you are being taken for granted. Say you would be heart broken if you didnt see her get married but thought you would be there as a guest. I am wondering if the girl thought your cooking is so excellent and that you may feel proud to do the catering for her. But it would have been nice if she had mentioned it first, but not had expected it as you would rather enjoy the day. Hope you get it sorted. Life is far too short.

[AlBags]

I think you should wait for the invite and apology.
You've done enough over the years by the sound of it.
No thanks for any of it? Ungratefule b$tch.

[Marijn]

I've thought of another angle to this. It could be cos you've been so good to her, she thinks of you as a second mother. You wouldn't send an invitation to your own mother for your own wedding, you'd just expect her to be there, and to be involved in some organising kind of way.

[lardhelmet]

I'd tell her where to shove her catering - and her wedding. What a cruel way to treat someone who's been as good to her as you have over the years mercia.

[trionam]

I would consider what notafish said theres a possibility that it all came out wrong and she really just wants you involved in her big day and knows that you would do the best job but if she cant explain this and you still feel she has taken you for granted then I would tell her to stick it to be honest.

[sara3]

if/when my daughter gets married I would like an invitation! it would go in a box with lots of keepsakes.

she should have sent an invitation, and I'll bet her mother has one.

[grasscarp]

The fact that I hadnt had an invite or been "asked" to do the catering would be enough for me to take umbridge. I would accept apologies, but would say directly that there is nothing to work out. Whatever moves they make play it how you feel from now on in. Thats what I would do anyway.

[AlBags]

Also she should be doing the dirty work apologising, etc ... not her mother.

[lucca]

She's taken you for granted because you've dug deep in your pocket many times and she just presumed you'd dig deep in your oven! I agree "thank you" would be nice (been in that position and lost count of the number of times I've thought "never again" and then.....). However she has over-stepped the mark big-time and there are really no excuses. Send her a list of caterers as a present! I remember not being invited to a close person's wedding, when I'd been pretty involved in all sorts of family things, and even when I visited 2 days before the big day with their present, still nothing! They invited a load of hangers-on, and I was so gutted that I couldn't speak to them for 3 months (after get-togethers twice a week). Nowt so queer as folk, eh?