Doctor Jokes

[Patsy33]

Mr Cameron says; Dr, I keep thinking I'm a leader. Confused looking Dr says; 'Sorry, I don't follow you' .....

[Patsy33]

Patient- 'I keep thinking I'm a horse. Doctor- 'Oh dear, how long have you been saddled with that?'

[cupid04]

Patient: I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains...

Doctor: Pull yourself together!

[Patsy33]

Patient.Dr, I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains'
Doctor. 'Do you have blackouts?'

[cupid04]

Father Christmas: I have a mince pie up my bum!

Doctor: I'll give you some cream for that!

[Patsy33]

Patient. I keep thinking I'm a pencil.
Doctor. Do you know what led to this?

[Old_Geezer]

That was one heck of a cracker box.

[Baldric]

Doctor doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye.
Try taking the spoon out first

[Patsy33]

Patient. I keep neighing.
Doctor. I thought you sounded a little hoarse.

[Baldric]

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog

Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.

But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

[Patsy33]

Patient. I keep thinking I'm a dog
Doc. How long have you been feeling like this?
Patient. Since I've been a puppy.

[Baldric]

Doctor, Doctor - I've a little bit of lettuce sticking out of my bottom

Oh dear, I'm afraid to say it looks to me like just the tip of the iceberg

[Baldric]

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?

Hmm, take these and if it's not better soon, give me a ring!

[Patsy33]

Patient. I keep thinking I'm a light bulb
Doctor. What?
Patient. 60

[magicmick]

Doctor can you help me? I think I have a a billiard ball up my bottom,
He said you will have to get to the end of the cue

[grasscarp]

Doctor, doctor, I broke my leg in four places

Well, don't go back to any of them

[Patsy33]

Patient. I think I'm a kleptomaniac.
Doctor. Here, take a seat.

[grasscarp]

^ ^
or
Can I have my pen back please.

[Patsy33]

Patient. People keep ignoring me
Doctor. NEXT.

[Patsy33]

Patient. Dr, I was hoping you could help me out
Doctor. Certainly, which way did you come in?

[marval]

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.