14 yr old stepdaughter...

[flowerholic]

showed my 10 yr old some extremely explicit text messages she had received from her apparent (nobody knows about him) 16 yr old boyfriend (she is JUST 14) .. my little one hadn't said a word for a week, had been told she would get into trouble if she said anything to me & she realises that her stepdad would hit the roof. Made me promise not to tell him. It would really upset him & it wouldn't change what is happening but I still feel like I should do SOMETHING. I don't like my child being shown stuff like that in the first place, nor her having to live with the guilt of keeping it secret. Don't like the idea of his 14 year old having sex either. I don't know or speak to her mother & I don't feel like I can interfere. What do I do? Just keep quiet & hope it blows over? If I say anything in private to stepdaughter she might just take it out on my daughter... any suggestions would be appreciated

[PinkFizz]

If your stepdaughter and her dad live with you then you must tell her father - it is his daughter and he needs to know the situation.I wouls also tell her that it is totally inappropriate to show a 10 yr old that sort of txt,and what on earth is dhe doing in getting them in the first place!

Do you know for sure she is having sex?

[SaxyJag]

Wait until both children are out of the way somewhere and have a quiet word with your partner. Decide which one of you can remain calm enough to speak to the fourteen year old about it. It needs to be explained, in an adult manner, that it's not appropriate for the ten year old to see, and that whilst you're not her mother, you are concerned that she may be considering having sex with this boy and causing both of them to break the law. Tell a white lie and say he WILL go to jail if anyone finds out. Do reassure her that if you can sort it out between you, then it need go further - in which case, make sure it doesn't.

Alternatively, you could take the plunge and call her mother, if it won't cause too many ripples with your partner. Stress your concern for her daughter's welfare rather than the effect it may have on your son, and ask whether there isn't some course of action you can work out between you. You never know, this could be your step-daughter's way of saying she's unhappy about something.

[suzie1968uk]

hi as a mum of 5 daughters and 2 step daughters i can understand the stress!!!, my advice, talk to the step daughter, in a nice manner saying you found out in a diff way. , and offer her sound advice on contreception and boys.. better prepared than ignorant :-) hope it helps

[dilf]

there is a step between you and your 14 yr old daughter that you must remove. then as a mother deal with it.
i know you are not her mother but you can be the next best thing
being a step father was cr*p being a father to the same kid is easy.
you have to form a relationship which is unique- best friend,big sis, confidante / mother. its a great deal for you cos you will have a lifelong mate.

chances are she is vying for her fathers affection with you and is attention seeking, give her a break and help her out.

[flowerholic]

thank u to everyone who replied, I took a little bit of advice from all of you. Spoke to my husband privately and as calmly as I could. Suprisingly he didn't explode, was just very cut up. He doesn't think she's actually done anything physical, thinks it's just trying to be big stuff and impress. Has been to see her mom, who will try & get hold of her mobile herself to check what is on it. Some concern as to whether the messages ARE coming from a 16 year old or whether someone pretending to be ... are pretty graphic. Maybe this was a plea for help in a roundabout way, if it's something that she feels she can't handle. There have been other incidents of attention seeking, my parents divorced the same time as hers did so I have some inkling of how it feels. Will try to be more understanding (was just completely outraged at first!!) and try and keep things as powderkeg-less as possible...