What Would You Do?

[catholic]

I'm part of a large and luckily, close family. We couldn't get together at Christmas because of numbers and because we're spread all over the country. We arranged a post Christmas lunch with the main guest of honour being my 94 year old Mum who is not in good health. I was so pleased that both my sons said they could make it, especially as they could catch up with all their cousins and they are fond of their Grandma. A few days before I received an email from one of my sons saying, "Sorry, but I can't make it. I'm going on a skiing trip but will write to Grandma and see her in February" I sent a very carefully worded reply as I don't want to fall out with my son. His brother was a little more frank in a text message he sent. Am I over reacting because I feel so disappointed? The family thought he was away on a work trip but now he has posted photos on Facebook which I thought a little tactless.

[mikey4444]

He hasn't been very honest with you has he ?

It sounds to me that he had a better offer, that he thought was better than attending his own grandmothers special do.

I have no doubt he will be judged by the rest of the family accordingly.

I expect you can guess what my reaction would be Cath !

[Jennykenny]

Such a shame, and if anything happens before he has a chance to see her again, he will have a hard time forgiving himself.

[catholic]

Thank you Mikey. That's exactly what his brother & my best friend said, & you're spot on with your comments. Now I just have to be tactful, since he tells me he's phoning tonight & I don't want to alienate him.

[rabet]

I don't blame them. I hate family gatherings!

[mikey4444]

Cath....I would need the patience of Job to deal with that phone call !

[woofgang]

He's a big boy.....fair enough if you tread carefully when you phone him but if he chooses to lie then he must take the consequences from the rest of the family. Personally if he wants to send his apologies for a family gathering then IMO that's no biggie but he was silly to lie about it.

[Cloverjo]

I still feel guilty because I chose to go to another party instead of my grandparents' 40th anniversary do. No one made anything of it at the time, and I expect everyone's forgotten I wasn't there.
Don't make a big thing of it. He might feel a bit bad about it in time and will make more of an effort next time.

[Mamyalynne]

Yes I'd be disappointed and tell him so calmly but then move on - actually better than him turning up grudgingly with a long face and a sulky attitude.

[Peter Pedant]

have a good party without him

your mum doesnt want at 94 the *** of a family quarrel so just have a good time without him and say if she asks - he cant make it

many are called but few are chosen.....
as an RC I really dont think there is a big thing about this

[Peter Pedant]

even my crazy fambly yeah and they really are crazy - some of them - dont do the
34 1/2 y ago - we had a party and only 3.25 of the nearest relatives turned up....

[catholic]

Thank you to everyone who took the trouble to reply. It's hard to pick one as best answer because all your comments were helpful and much appreciated.

[murraymints]

I'd be spitting feathers and would let rip at him in private...then say no more...but would never forget

[pastafreak]

He didn't lie to you when he cancelled, though you say the family thought he was away on business...how did they think that? Is that what he told them...or was it an assumption?
But...he did tell *you* the truth. That counts for something.
My daughter couldn't be with me for my 70th...they had a wedding invite. I felt very hurt, but never said anything. Young people may not see these dates as milestones as we do.

[emmie]

tactless and should have attended..

[Barmaid]

I do not think you are overreacting in being disappointed. However, your son does have his own life and it can sometimes be difficult to fit in time away (booking leave etc). He has acknowledged his grandmother and her probable disappointment and said he will write to her and see her in Feb.

We recently accepted an invitation and then had the opportunity to go abroad for a week. In the event we decided not to go abroad and honour the invite we had accepted which both of us now bitterly regret since that was our last opportunity to get some much needed r and r for some time.

I would express your disappointment mildly, but equally hope that your son had a good time. Given the closeness of your family it would be a shame to fall out over this and you seem alive to that.

[ummmm]

It wouldn't bother me. It wouldn't bother my parents either. Or my grandparents. He's living his life.