What Are The Social Rules?

[Tarser]

I'm an 'older person' and struggle with the relatively new informality that seems to come so easy to most people. I go into a supermarket and the cashier says to me: "Hello. How are you? Doing anything special today?" Much better than putting my shopping through without looking at me and chewing gum...but it makes me feel uncomfortable as I'm being spoken to like I'm a friend and I might never have seen him/her before.

I'm a tutor and bill parents for my services. Almost all of them use my first name, even if I've never met them. I both like it and don't like it. Is this friendliness or is it telling me that I have low status? I don't know how to reply to their emails. If I call them Mr, Mrs, Miss etc., am I being stuffy and unfriendly or am I showing them respect? I want to show both but it's either / or. I may be very old fashioned but I don't want to say 'Hi John, thanks for your email...' it seems wrong to me. I'm not his mate!

I have known a hospital consultant for several years who is treating me for a physical problem. She calls me and emails me using my first name and signs off with her first name. She is really friendly and informal - which is so much better than the old days of stand-offish consultants who looked down upon their patients. I respect her status as a surgeon and always reply using her title and surname. It would seem really strange to do otherwise but I don't want her to think I'm really cold and business-like.

I find it quite offensive when someone rings me and uses my first name immediately, especially when they want to sell me something. Informality is being used here as a way of manipulating me...

So, all round confusion and conflict. The world has changed and nobody consulted me, so I'll have to ask those that adapted quickly to the new rules. Thank you.

[Mamyalynne]

their garb.

[Prudie]

When I was child friends of my parents had to be addressed as Aunty Jane or Uncle Tom etc what was that all about? thankfully no-one does that anymore do they?

[Jackdaw33]

I don't know but I certainly did it until I was an adult. They were known as 'courtesy aunts/uncles'.

[nailit]

//I have never owned a pair of jeans in my life. I was led to believe that they were for poor people who could not afford proper trousers//

//I too have never owned a pair of jeans. I always considered them working clothes//

I guess its an age thing. Personally I dont understand just what is the difference between jeans or trousers? They are both garments to cover the legs. You may be more comfortable in trousers, Im more comfortable in jeans. Dont see why I should be looked down on if I go out for the evening because I am not wearing YOUR preferred choice of clothes. Each to therir own.

[THECORBYLOON]

I have lived at my address all my life and a few neighbours who were adults as I grew up have been here for longer. I would not dream of using their first names . The ones who have been neighbours for "only" thirty years or so, I will use their first names.

[zebo]

My children's friends used to call the parents by their first name except us, we were teachers though not in their schools, so they waited to be told they could.
When our children and our friends' children were starting school, being used to using first names to their friends' parents, they were told they had to use Mr in school, even for their Daddy. Took a while for one little girl a while to stop calling her Daddy Mr at home too.

[EDDIE51]

I am noticing a growing trend for women to go out of the house in night clothes. This morning my corner shop had 3 young women in the queue all in pajamas or 'Onesies'. I have even see Mums, still in night clothes, taking the kids to school . Is this now part of the social rule?

[Jackdaw33]

Have you just noticed that? It's been going on for ages.

[tonyav]

Tut, always a onesie and never a sheer baby doll ;-)

[anneasquith]

I can't wait for it to be socially acceptable for all of us to wear our pjs to the corner shop .:-) :-)

[tonyav]

Neither can I, anne. I don't wear any ;-)

[Jackdaw33]

Going back to the OP, the one term I refuse to use under any circumstances, either in speech or in writing, is the artificial 'Ms'. If I do not know the marital status of a woman I use the honorific 'Mrs'.

[anneasquith]

You don't wear baby dolls Tony ?

[tonyav]

Noooooo, way to flimsy anne.