I Know I Sound Stupid But.....l

Smowball | 13:21 Tue 29th Jan 2019 | ChatterBank

78 Answers

This sounds ridiculous I know, but here goes.....
Mr Smow and I have been together 13 years, married for 10. But I have absolutely no knowledge of his finances, what he earns etc. I’ve raised the subject a couple of times but just gives really vague answers. He’s a brilliant husband, would do anything for me, but when it comes to money etc he gets really funny. For example he has been working from home for 3 months rather than contracting which is what he normally does so when I asked where the money was coming from I just kept getting fobbed off. Am I being silly??

Birthday

Confused

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Old_Geezer

Different couples come to different arrangements. You are interested and asked. That's reasonable. He considers it his responsibility/business and opted to be vague. His choice. One of those things where one has to acquiesce to the other's wishes.

jno

escape funds are quite common, more for women than for men I imagine.

Peter Pedant

every entry is scrutinised
been cloned twice and the only way is to look at every thing and agree that it is one of 'our' expenditures

Peter Pedant

// escape funds are quite common, more for women than for men I imagine.//oh! we were a bit surprised when we came across one for my late father .... he wasnt one to keep his opinions to himself.
..

dunnitall

My take onit all is...you are married.! Like me to himself...what's mine is ours..what's his is ours?! Why should it be any different. Joint! A couple! Married! Committed to one another. If others don't wish to see it...why get married..? If you don't want an equal partnership, why commit to paper and get married?

That's how we both see it....if you don't then never think it's equal as it's not.... Good luck but I prefer trust and equality.... And I'm happy with what I've got.

Old_Geezer

"Open" and "equal" are different things.

bednobs

i have a running away fund. i feel comforted to know if i accidentally murdered him, i could get to rio!

Sqad

Rio Ferdinand Bednobs?

Smowball

Question Author

I know exactly what his job is - I run his business social media accounts. But he also sub contracts to other businesses. And no he’s never ever heard of Answerbank. But if he had..... well he’d have to answer wouldn’t he. I feel really stupid even posting this now.

sherrardk

Don’t feel stupid Smow - we don’t even have a joint account. Himself gets paid and transfers it all to my account and he has his pension paid straight into my account (never asked him to do either). I pay for everything and he doesn’t care how/what I spend it on - I suspect he doesn’t want the hassle of juggling everything to make sure everything gets paid.

Tilly2

Same here, Sherr. I hold the purse strings and Mr T is quite happy with that.

jno

perfectly reasonable question, smow. As people have said, every couple come to their own arrangements, but Mr Smow seems to have decided on yours without consulting you. Only you can decide how hard you want to press the matter, but it's certainly not silly to want to know.

cassa333

Mr Cassa earns 10 times more than me.

I do know how much he earns and what his bonuses are. We don’t have a joint account and he gives me a small allowance each month.

Every bill and large purchase is paid by him from his account and I have access to that account for my online shopping (addiction lol) and when I go out I get to use the account as well.

Any money I earn is for me to use as I see fit. Sometimes I buy groceries sometimes fripperies and sometimes nothing at all. It’s up to me.

If we make a large purchase or look at holidays we decide together.

The only time we, well I, was annoyed about money was when his mum died and left him some money. He was having meetings with the bank to decide what to do with it without talking to me. After having a bit of a moan I got half and have invested it.

Gone are the days when couples didn’t talk about their finances. And although I don’t know your circumstances I would feel he lacked trust in me if he didn’t tell me when asked.

Maydup

We're more like you Smowball, only I'm the higher earner and Mr M doesnt know or ask what that level is, or what happens to the money.

We pay into a joint acccount to cover bills, food and car expenses etc andmy contribution is higher. we pay for large items and holidays out of my earnings but we decide together.

waterboatman

Just emailed you smow.

woofgang

Smow,if the worst happened, you would need to know this stuff....and believe me I speak from experience. My late Dh was always the financial manager of the family but he made me know what was going on and where everthing was......my feeling is that you don’t need to know about every penny but you need to knowenough to pick up the reins if you needed to. No I don’t think you are being silly.