I Have Written

[marval]

I have written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It is very saucy.

My son invited his posh friend to his birthday party. I asked him, “What’s your favourite game, Tarquin?” He said, “Partridge, but I am partial to grouse in season.”

A burglar robbed my house last night, but all he stole was a clock that had almost run out of batteries. He only took a few minutes.

My partner and I have bought a lighthouse. It only weighs twelve kilos.

I have just paid fifty pounds for a coat, and there’s nothing to put my keys in. I feel so out of pocket.

A man stopped me in the street and tried trading punches. I declined his offer, mine tasted more alcoholic.

A guy came and asked me if I believed in black magic. I said. “Of course I do. You will find them next to the Quality Street.”

I wanted to get something for my partner so I took him to the auctions with me but no one would start the bidding.

Today I invented a new kind of secret language. It involves repeating the word ‘sorry’ a certain number of times at different speeds in order to communicate. I call it remorse code.

I was down by the beach when I saw this guy staring in deep thought at a tree. He was a palm reader.

[maggiebee]

Great marval. Had to read the lighthouse one twice - duh.

[Patsy33]

Haha.. More good ones there Marval!