i feel guilty

[goldheart]

My parents live abroad and only see them once a year for a couple of weeks, this year this is their 2nd time in 6 months, visiting both times for a month. Anyway my dad is getting more and more miserable each time. He used to be in the services and was quite strict when I was a kid anyway Im finding him even more unbearable. He acts childish when he doesnt get his way (moody and grumpy) and when I go to say something, i.e. to my mum like, oh mum guess who i saw today in town, he mimicks me, other people think he is joking around but he says things that others cant hear. I know my mum feels embarrassed too and she must feel surpressed as well, I really dont know how she lives with him. In the end I just go very quiet which is unlike me as I feel too embarrassed to say anything sometimes cos of what he's like.So what Im saying is that Im am so glad when he goes back, a relief in fact and im in no rush to visit them. When I stay with them for a week Im pulling my hair out some nights and he upsets me alot with his nastiness. When he is normal he is so funny and we are good friends. Its just he seems to be getting worse with age, im really starting to dislike him. I am away the rest of this week with work and they fly back on Sunday and I cant wait. that is why I feel guilty cos I shouldnt feel like that, I really do not miss him at all. Anyone else felt like this?

[PinkFizz]

Why do they stay so long when they visit you?? And why do you go out there for a week at a time if he acts like this? Have you actually spoken to him at all about how he acts when he is with you?

[goldheart]

They housesit at their friends house about 5 mins away. If he broaches the subject then I will tell him about his moodiness etc, but thats when he is in the right mood! and because I feel guilty about me not missing him etc then I wont say anything, i think for the short time they are here I dont want to upset anyone, i.e. Im supposed to be going round this evening, but cant now as Im packing for a trip, but If I went, I know he will be absolutely fine because last night was his mood night! Weird to explain, but just wondered if other people feel that about their parents... and that they are the only ones they feel they cant be themselves around.

[WendyS]

You say your father used to be in the services and I wonder whether he has never really adjusted back to civilian life and misses the rigid structure that this gave to him. This must make him pretty miserable to live with and possibly your mother is finding his company pretty painful too. Can you encourage him to take up some new interests and hobbies? Perhaps he feels his life has lost some of its purpose and he is consequently taking out his frustration on everybody around him.
One other thought. I don't know how old your father is, but sometimes this change in personality can be caused by the slow early onset on Alzeimers disease where people suddenly start finding they can't cope with some of the situations around them and become aggressive and difficult. Maybe it would help if he had a thorough check-up with his GP.
Have a quiet word with you mother to see whether these personality and mood changes are happening on a daily basis. If they are and she too is having problems coping with them, it's time for him to get some medical help.