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Drink? Lose A Leg.
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I was an alcoholic for over 20 years, and finally climbed out of the bottle on 6th December 2002. (True alkies ALWAYS know precisely when they had their last drink!)
I’d tried many times over the years, having ‘no drink’ days, etc., but nothing worked apart from total abstinence.
Anyway, in 2002 I was chuffed to pieces, I’d done it! Waking up feeling good, lost stones in weight, walking, feeling great.
Walking across a manicured Kew Gardens lawn, trod on a small stone, felt a slight discomfort, walked on.
With a broken ankle.
One consequence of long-term drinking is peripheral neuropathy - loss of nerve sensations in fingers - and feet. I felt no great pain in the ankle, just discomfort, and walked on, for six months, until my foot was pointing the wrong way.
The x-ray doctor (when I finally got to one) shook his head. Mr Singh, an eminent bone consultant, shook his. Result: amputation below the knee.
My ideas about peaceful retirement years were somewhat altered, but at least I know who is to blame for my troubles (me).
And like all you drinkers, I thought I might damage my liver through my boozing - but not lose a leg! Stop thinking about giving up, and just give up!
With affection,
BillB
I’d tried many times over the years, having ‘no drink’ days, etc., but nothing worked apart from total abstinence.
Anyway, in 2002 I was chuffed to pieces, I’d done it! Waking up feeling good, lost stones in weight, walking, feeling great.
Walking across a manicured Kew Gardens lawn, trod on a small stone, felt a slight discomfort, walked on.
With a broken ankle.
One consequence of long-term drinking is peripheral neuropathy - loss of nerve sensations in fingers - and feet. I felt no great pain in the ankle, just discomfort, and walked on, for six months, until my foot was pointing the wrong way.
The x-ray doctor (when I finally got to one) shook his head. Mr Singh, an eminent bone consultant, shook his. Result: amputation below the knee.
My ideas about peaceful retirement years were somewhat altered, but at least I know who is to blame for my troubles (me).
And like all you drinkers, I thought I might damage my liver through my boozing - but not lose a leg! Stop thinking about giving up, and just give up!
With affection,
BillB
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Thank you for sharing BB, I have great respect for you and your courage in posting this.
My dad was an alcoholic...what we would now call a functioning one. He worked in the same job for 45+ years. Never missed a day. He drank beer every night, but kept the hard stuff hidden. He stopping 'functioning' when he retired, the Dr told him it would kill him. It did.
My dad was an alcoholic...what we would now call a functioning one. He worked in the same job for 45+ years. Never missed a day. He drank beer every night, but kept the hard stuff hidden. He stopping 'functioning' when he retired, the Dr told him it would kill him. It did.
Nailit. I had reached rock bottom. It is said that all alkies have to reach their own rock bottom before taking the ‘stop’ decision.
Mine? Faecal incontinence (always had to be within 15 minutes of a toilet), plus on that day (6th December 2002) my liver consultant had given me five years. I drank that evening, as usual, but at 10.30 found the switch in my head. The next night (and the next, etc) were hard, but a week later, easier, and so on.
I was on between 30 and 40 units a day, every day, so way beyond a heavy drinker.
Couldn’t face AA, having met a couple of recovering alcoholics who trotted out the mantra “Drink is bigger than me.”
NOTHING was bigger than me!
Baldric: I always said we’d more in common that appeared on the surface.
BB
Mine? Faecal incontinence (always had to be within 15 minutes of a toilet), plus on that day (6th December 2002) my liver consultant had given me five years. I drank that evening, as usual, but at 10.30 found the switch in my head. The next night (and the next, etc) were hard, but a week later, easier, and so on.
I was on between 30 and 40 units a day, every day, so way beyond a heavy drinker.
Couldn’t face AA, having met a couple of recovering alcoholics who trotted out the mantra “Drink is bigger than me.”
NOTHING was bigger than me!
Baldric: I always said we’d more in common that appeared on the surface.
BB
Nailit. I’m no expert. I just gave up drinking, so I have my own answers, which I hope might help you and others.
However…
Giving up was largely spontaneous, although, as I said elsewhere, there was an element of me reaching my own ‘rock bottom’, and I didn’t like what I was, or was becoming. We all face choices, even addicts, and I breathed in, and chose life.
Buddhism didn’t come till later. At the time I was as non-religious as the next atheist (not that Buddhism without a god figure is a religion). But in some ways facing up to reality, and realising that the ‘self’ wasn’t that important, led me eventually towards Buddhism.
AA, even with their ‘spirituality’, have helped thousands, and I salute them. But not for me. I actually think the ‘Drink is bigger than me’ mantra is damaging. I once heard a recovering alcoholic say ‘I have no control over drink; it controls me’, and TOTALLY disagreed with him. As an existentialist/Buddhist/free man, I try and take control of everything, and don’t want to give away my control to some Higher Being. Drinking WAS in my control - I chose to drink, I drank, I became addicted. But if it helps you through the night (AA that is), then so be it.
Overall, (W C Fields said “I’d rather be in Philadelphia” when asked about dying)… overall, I’d much rather be alive, with one leg (and as it happens one eye), than dead.
BillB
Many thanks BB :-)
Agree about the AA thing (drink is bigger than me/ we are powerless over alcohol etc)...just seems like negative self talk to me.
Another thing about AA is Ive know people to be sober in AA for years, (decades even) and yet they feel the need to meet several nights a week and talk about alcohol??? That would be no different than recovering from cancer and spend the rest of your life talking about cancer (just in case it returns)
Good luck if it works for them but its not for me.
Thanks for your post and replies, very informative.
Agree about the AA thing (drink is bigger than me/ we are powerless over alcohol etc)...just seems like negative self talk to me.
Another thing about AA is Ive know people to be sober in AA for years, (decades even) and yet they feel the need to meet several nights a week and talk about alcohol??? That would be no different than recovering from cancer and spend the rest of your life talking about cancer (just in case it returns)
Good luck if it works for them but its not for me.
Thanks for your post and replies, very informative.
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