Im Struggling A Bit With It All

[nailit]

Nursed my mum through 2 years of hell. MacMillan home care were useless, home care was a
euphemism for dont give a ****
We all nursed her as best we could and kept her at home as long as possibble as per her wishes.

Ive spent the last two weeks giving away my mums entire life prior to her funeral only to let the vultures have their pick. Everything from taking up her carpet to giving away her cutlerry

And now the b'stards have started about coming to mums funeral (Max 30) and somehow its my bloody fault that they cant come.
I didnt set the limit.
Roll on death........

[calmck]

Sorry to hear this. Can you give the funeral director a list of those you want invited and tell those who contact you to call the funeral home

[ubasses]

I am so sorry Nailit, it is a distressing time without family/friends giving you grief as well.
Chose the 30 people that you think have the most 'right' to be there and tell everyone else that you're sorry but they will have to blame Covid not you.
If where you are having the funeral are able to stream it (it cost £20 for my Mum's funeral), give everyone else the log in and let them be part of it that way.

[Bobbisox1]

Nailit just get your head up again, let them argue amongst themselves, they weren't there , you were

[nailit]

In some way,
after my Mum's send off, it will be such a relief
to never have to be a part of my family again.
I find that incredibly sad.
(But True)

(most) of my family have been the most toxic people that I know.

[maggiebee]

Unfortunately death brings out both the best and worst in people. Sadly in your case it seems to be the worst nailit. Who would your mum want at the funeral? Ubasses' idea is a good one that I would endorse. Don't beat yourself up, you were there for your mum and did everything in your power for her. Would that all mums had such a son.

[johnny.5]

Nailit
Hang in there mate

[Canary42]

All the relative's bile arises as a result of a subconscious guilt on their part - ignore the ***.

[Mamyalynne]

If you are organising the funeral then make a clear list and stick to it.

If a lot more want to be involved then I agree that streaming it is a good idea.

[nailit]

Had to drop keys and forms of today...end of a chapter etc.
Just brassed off that family that I dont have anything to do with have now started to message me with messages of hate towards me.

just dont get it tbh.
I nursed my mum, was there 24/7 when I could be. (when not working) Had to clear her place and return to council. It all hurts.
Man, I hate people sometimes.

And yes, im drunk!

[choux]

nailit, I don't blame you one bit. What is important and something that no-one can take away from you is that you were there for your mum. Just hang on to that thought and enjoy the rest of your life - there will be some better times ahead for you, no matter how impossible you find that to believe right now. Take care.

[Tilly2]

Everybody hurts in these circumstances. You are not alone in your experiences. Stop beating yourself up and get to grips with what's important.

Give your mum the send off she deserves and then go your own way. Let the rest of them go their own way. (I am being terribly polite here!)

[murraymints]

Deep breaths and keep the moral high ground... once the funeral is over you can draw a line and move on..with or without whomsoever you wish... blood is NOT thicker than water and you sure can't choose your family..but you can choose who you want in your life....I have that T shirt too my friend..take care..chin up and be proud of what you did for mum when it mattered.... xx

[andy-hughes]

Nails - given what you have gone through, with little actual support, and plenty of obstacles and hostility, it's hardly surprising that you are feeling this low after your mum's passing.

No matter how much we accept that a death is coming, it is still a huge emotional shock, and emotions are the part you have no control over.

I am pleased to read that the practical aspects that keep you manacled to your family are reaching their end, and you will be free to be away from them and their nonsense, and grieve properly for your mum, and move on with your life as she would want for you.

Toxic families are best treated like toxic anything else - cut them out and forget about them.

You have done so well to get through all this, and I know you have the personal strength to get through this last part, hard as it is, and emerge the other side without all the stress and strain you have coped with for so long.

It's very nearly time to put down the load, have a rest, then get up and walk on, feeling lighter, into a better future, and I know you can get there - all your friends on here know that as well.

Sleep well, tomorrow is another day closer to the rest and peace of mind you do deserve - you have definitely earned it many times over.

[Theland]

Some good advice from your friends on here Nailit. Take it.
Don't lower yourself to the level of hating, that only damages yourself.
Duty done, only one last goodbye to say, so let that be done with the dignity you have shown up to now.

[barry1010]

You will feel such a relief when you can finally tell those awful people to F off and know you will never, ever have to be in the same space or listen to them ever again