nailit ; //Its well known on AB that I have spent time in a psychiatric hospital!//
It isn't "well known" to me, and I genuinely sympathise that you had to face that outcome, I hope you are now recovered.
May I recommend a book to you? It costs amazingly less than a fiver, which seems to be because Amazon have covered the cost of production. It's a series of lectures given by William James (brother of Henry) at Edinburgh University over a century ago as part of the Gifford lectures;
Amazon.co.uk User Recommendation
He talked about the meaning of religion from many points of view, including you own, & doesn't proselytize.