Boyfriend's friends

[sammd]

Help. My boyfriend has a close group of friends (male and female) who we go out with sometimes at the weekends. The only thing is they're really cliquey and make me feel like i'm unwelcome because i'm not a member of the 'gang'. What can i do to improve the situation? It makes me feel really down.

[miffy63]

I know exactly how you feel, the same thing happened to me. These things take time and if they've been friends for a long time there'll be alot of history there. That said I would hope that at least one person in the 'gang' will realise this and make you feel welcome. Doesn't your boyfriend do anything to ease the situation?

[Rubyrose]

I don't mean to sound harsh but I have always thought that when someone feels left out its because of their own insecurities and not solely because they are being made to feel that way by the group! I know that sometimes people do intentionally try to make others unwelcome but thats not always the case.

My mates girlfriend comes out with us sometimes but all she does is sit there in silence and not speak. We have tried to chat to her and make her welcome but she is just so quiet and mousy! We can only do so much until we just think 'f*ck it'! She says we leave her out but the truth is she doesn't even try to join in!

I hardly ever feel left out in situations, even when I don't know anyone in the group! Granted I am a loud person but I make sure I don't feel left out and I laugh and joke and join in. Its just me!

Try to make conversations and ask questions about people and be funny and laugh at what they say. People like talking about themselves so if you ask, they will more than likely answer. If they don't like talking about themselves then they will more than likely ask you questions instead... which still means the convo is flowing!

[makemesmile]

I know it's hard, but try and make a special effort to 'join in' and get to know people. When we feel a bit scared of a certain situation, we can start to feel a little paranoid and see things that just aren't there. Not that I'm saying you're making it up! But if your boyfriend can see that you're doing all you can to get-on with his friends, should they not respond positively, he's not going to lay the blame at your door, is he? It can be hard standing on the outside - but it's much warmer inside!

[sammd]

Thanks for the answers guys. I do make the effort to join in and a couple of them are nice, it's just a couple are really cliquey...just the things they say like 'us 4 should go out next week' when there's 5 of us there. My boyfriend won't say anything to them. When i go out with other groups of friends i feel like an equal and have such a great time. I shall just have to keep enduring and keep trying harder!

[lh8503]

Hi Sammd,
I totally understand how you feel, I have/had exactly the same sort of problem but after making an effort so many times with the other girl friends I have just thought f**k it!! Every time I'm out I feel I have to prove myself and it definatley shouldn't be like that. They are really cliquey and not even polite sometimes, they really rub it in that I am not one of them. I used to get so upset and hate going to parties etc where they are and I began hating myself wondering why I wasn't good enough, but now I think who cares? I know I tried and I don't really want friends like them anyway all they care about is getting p****d off there heads, boob jobs and stalking there partners!

I would seriously consider wether you want to be friends with these people. When you go out make sure you do make an effort but if that doesn't work then have some respect for yourself and forget them. Its not worth it trust me! good luck x