Puns

[Rondy]

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered
just went on and on.
_________
The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?"
"Voluntary?" I said. "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."
_________
I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana."
He said, "No, this is for the custard."
_________

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?"
I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."
_________
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny:
you couldn't swing a cat in there.
_________
I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type."

I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"
___________

[brian j john]

my friend said he was going to buy an island off the coast of Italy , i told him Don't be Sicily

[Canary42]

I'm hailing from Hayling island.

[piggynose]

This girl said she thought she'd met me at the vegetarian club, I said I'd never met herbivore.

[piggynose]

Who agrees with me, That all crooked landlords should be put behind bars?

[DTCwordfan]

To the librarian, "Can I have a book on suicide?"

"Away with you, you bashtad, you ain't bringin' it back."