Have You Ever Just 'Felt' Different?

[nailedit]

All through school I just felt different.
Never fitted in school because i was different.
In high school never fitted in because I wasn't interested in disco's, football etc,
My interests were different. I was interested in metaphysics as opposed to physics.
I loved religious education as opposed to it.

I became a teenage evangelical and was ostracized because of my questioning of the bible.

After rejecting faith, and embarking upon life's journey, I have been judged as been
a convict, a thug, a drunk, and all embracing ***ole.
But also as a voluntary worker, as someone who helps people, a good father etc.

I don't know who I am anymore.

Don't know who I ever was.
just feel differnt,
Cant communicate with real people anymore.

Not even my family.
Certainly not with the services engaged with me at the moment/

[Tilly2]

Do you have any real friends? People you CAN communicate with?

[jourdain2]

Yes, I've felt 'different' even more so as I've got older. I was 'arty', loved literature, philosophy etc..
I gave up teaching in early 2002 because I felt that I couldn't reach all young minds anymore (inner city Bradford Comp.). Now, in a country village setting, I can.
I also find it hard to understand some official attitudes.
I don't know if it is available in any way near you, but could you try a Creative Writing course? Or a simple Writers' Group. You will find people who are prepared to think, accept and engage. Warning - you need to be prepared to be the same to others.

[Hazlinny]

You know Nailedit, everyone is different ... it would be a strange world if we were all the same. Because you have/had interests outwith the usual ones of your peers probably makes you a more interesting person. When I used to read your posts, I thought you were a good person who had strayed a bit off the straight and narrow but then a good percentage of us make mistakes now and then. You are the one who has to hold your head up high, walk tall ... it's not easy but you can do it. By the way, where is that cheeky Avatar - first task to be completed. x

[nailedit]

//Do you have any real friends? People you CAN communicate with?//
Not really...

[Buenchico]

I've felt 'different' all of my life. (My late-life autism diagnosis provided some sort of explanation for it, I suppose). Who the hell wants to be 'normal' anyway? I certainly don't!

[Old_Geezer]

Yeah. Just a frame of mind that occurred at times. I reckon the times I don't feel different is when my brain has decided to filter out such thoughts from my days. It probably happens to me less now-a-days because I didn't find any use pondering why, and as I aged I was less concerned about such things as fitting in, or what other folk were thinking of me, anyway. As Popeye used to say, "I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam". I suspect we all have periods when we feel we aren't fitting in with the rest of society, but it's probably just too much self awareness and not enough attention to others. We are all different in various ways, no point in brooding on it.

[maggiebee]

We are all too quick to judge Nailedit. Just be yourself, you don't have to apologise for your life. It's good to talk though so I hope you have/can find someone to sit down with and chat.

[William51]

We all feel different at times for various reasons, but we have to get used to it and carry on living.

[Atheist]

Nailedit; Were you ever "a convict, a thug, a drunk, and all embracing ***ole"?
If you were, then accept it. If not, then ignore the accusation and move on.
Stop brooding on yourself.

[douglas9401]

Glorious mud.

[Barsel]

///I don't know who I am anymore.///
Who do you want to be?
Do you want to be a convict, a thug, a drunk?
No? Then who do you want to be? You decide and then work towards it.
Set goals for yourself and when you can, do something positive.
Rome wasn't built in a day, so it will take time, but you can do it if you really want it.
Next time you post something, tell us what you have done that you feel proud of.
Good luck to you.

[1ozzy]

My whole life Nailedit.
Guess neither one of us has nailed it yet;-(
Wish I had some introspective words of wisdom to offer, but I don't.

[rowanwitch]

I have always been weird, late life autism provisional diagnosis of aspergers type,as my local authority won't fund the formal assessment but unlike some I did learn what was needed to communicate...and function without most l like realising I was playing a role to pass for normal. Constant battle with depression, obsessions, etc and spending a lot of time on my own I get by.... But sometimes just getting by is all you can do. I don't have a family as such just my sister in London and my mother who has end stage dementia,
The religious thing I sort of share, because it's about looking for answers and understanding in a world that sometimes makes no blooming sense at all.

[Peter Pedant]

and function without most l like realising I was playing a role to pass for normal

I didnt bother, I just did what I wanted ( on the grounds that no matter what it was , it wd be counted as 'weird' )

passing for normal is soooooo exhausting, and doesnt achieve anything

[Barsel]

Anyway, what's normal?
Don't know if you'll come back to your thread nailedit, but what do you consider to be normal?
I do think that sometimes, normal can be boring.

[Atheist]

I'm reminded of the Kinks' 'I'm Not Like Ev'rybody Else'

[Atheist]

There's also the 'Imposter Syndrome'. When you have a good job but you suspect that you are only just getting away with it, and that if only they knew you'd be out on your ear.

[Barsel]

I got a job as a typist once and I've never used a typewriter in my life.
They kept me for a day! Busted!

[jourdain2]

I still suffer from 'imposter syndrome' in quite a few areas of life.

[Iamtheoneandonly]

We're all different. I don't like people, find they're always looking out for themselves.. Look after yourself feck everyone else.