What Are Your Thoughts On This Song I Wrote?

[sheminith]

Would really appreciate some thoughts thanks mainly on the song im general and on the vocals. Just a rough demo atm

 

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[Arksided]

For a demo that is really good vocals as well, a bit of reverb on the guitar might help (I don't mean flange). started off a bit Pink Folyd--ish. Keep workong on it fella.

[Arksided]

*working

[Ken4155]

I'll second more or less what Arky says. It really is a good effort for a demo, though I do think the song gets a tad monotonous (a bit Smiths-ish) so perhaps you could work the high strings section in before the last verse, just to break it up a little.

Look forward to hearing more of your stuff. 

[Patsy33]

More or less the same as what Arky & Ken has said. I think a good hook half way through song would be good, to make it more memorable. Good luck.

[The Builder]

Pretty good for a demo. Nice chord sequence and melody.

This is just a personal thing, but I find the accompaniment a bit too fussy.  Too 'strummy' for me. That, plus the minor key makes it a bit 'folk club.'

But......  right at the end, using arpeggios instead of strumming was so much better, letting the tune 'breathe' so to speak.

I'd love to hear it recorded with that sparser comping at the end, and here's an idea..........  what about gentler guitar work and a cello!

Good luck to you.  😎

[Arksided]

... and a little percussion, when you round it off.

[Ken4155]

Just listened to it again - this time through the cans - and even though you have a very distinct voice, i cannot always ascertain the lyrics because the guitar is too loud.

Maybe employ 'softer' chords while you're singing and revert to the more dynamic sound in between your verses.

I'm barely a beginner on the guitar so i can't really offer technical advice but i have listened to music for over 60 years and i know that i like to hear both the music and the lyrics😉

 

[Arksided]

It's only a demo Ken, but I agree with you (Those guitarits are a right pain to work with) in the studio as well. 

 

Good luck with the guitar playing Ken I never had any talant for it being honest.