There's More

[Rondy]

DOCTOR: "Did you sleep with the window open like I told you?"
ME: "Yes doc. Wide open."
DOCTOR: "And has your bronchitis gone?"
ME: "No, but my laptop and mobile phone have."

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When I left school I decided to become a joiner.
Now I have 27 gym memberships and 300 library cards.

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My girlfriends sister sat on my glasses earlier and broke them.
With hindsight it was probably my fault, I should have taken them off first!

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My rum and raisin cake is gluten free. It's also raisin free. And cake free.
Oh Ok it's just rum.

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Two animals escaped from the local zoo earlier today, a giraffe and a mouse!! Police are hunting high and low!!

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"My wife's buying a house in southern France."
"Toulouse?"
"No, just one but there should be room to add an en-suite."

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Just read a book titled 'How to Survive Falling Down a Staircase'
It's a step by step guide.

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Some sad news today.
My Ventriloquist Dummy has left me after 40 years..It was a complete Golt out of the Glue.

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Paddy says to Mick "Oi've got sometin' stuck in me throat and oi can't breath properly!"
Mick says "Are yer choakin?"
Paddy replies "No, I'm bloomin' serious!

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When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?”
I said, “No, not particularly."

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[Arksided]

Ha-ha very good, that book one reminded me of this:

I've been reading a book about 'anti-gravity' I couldn't put it down.