And Here's Some More For You.

[Rondy]

Two tapeworms in a high ranking army officer.
One says to the other "What's up mate, you look really down?"
The other replies "Oh, nothing really, just life in General"

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We've started going to a faith healer who cures all ailments by simply standing next to you while you shout expletives at the top of your voice!
My wife swears by him!

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I bought my Nephew three socks for his Birthday as his Mum said He's grown another Foot this Year.

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I went to a funeral today, when I asked the priest for the wi-fi code. He shouted, "Have some respect for the dead". I said, "Is that in all lower case?"

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A Guy tried to sell me an “antique conker” the other day, but I wasn’t falling for that old chestnut.

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Nicotine patches are great.
Stick one over each eye and you can't find your ciggies.

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My family are arguing about the seating arrangements for Sunday's barbecue.
I'm not getting involved, I'm sitting on the fence.

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On a dating site, someone messaged me asking if I liked big women.
I said I never read sequels to classic novels.

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A bloke said to me today 'Are those thick lens glasses you're wearing?'
I said 'No, they're mine'

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I bought one of them pre paid funeral a couple of months ago.
Yesterday I got a phone call from them to say they'd had a cancellation and they could fit me in next week.

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[bookbinder]

Up to your usual standard, Rondy! Thanks for bringing a bit of a laugh into our world!

[Ken4155]

Couple of belters, there, Rondy ☺

[Patsy33]

Made me laugh! I've heard the Wi-fi one before but still makes me giggle. Also like  thick lens glasses...😆

[Rondy]

Thanks guys.