Ex Problem

[Eve]

An ex of mine from a very brief relationship about 9 years ago started texting me a couple of years back. Just general stuff then we met up when he came up here for a gig.

I'd already arranged to go out for a friend's birthday so arranged to meet him beforehand. He walked me up there and told he he was getting married. I was really happy for him but a bit puzzled as to why he'd not mentioned anything about her before especially as it was the girl he got together with right after i finished our relationship.

I was more concerned (knowing the incredibly soppy thing he was with me) when I asked about the distinctly not romantic proposal (she asked him and he "thought well why not").

He then started texting all kinds of stuff about his feelings for me. This went on for a while and I figured it was pre-wedding jitters. It carried right up to and after his wedding then after and is still ongoing (he got married well over a year ago).

At one point he'd seriously crossed the line and I didn't reply to any of his texts, he kept trying. After a while I checked his friends reunited profile hoping he was more settled and had put about being happily married and such but all that was there was a message for me to get in touch with him that anyone, including his wife, could see.

I've gone past the point of sympathy for him, as i initially felt, as he didn't have to marry her and he could be dragging me into all of this and all kinds of problems, he's messing with my feelings and emotions and I've lost someone who was a good friend through it.

Any ideas how i can deal with this without all hell breaking loose?

[oldwoman]

Why are you still bothering with him. I would have told him to sling his hook ages ago. If he wants a crutch tell him to try NHS. Have you got deep feelings for him, I can`t see any man is worth this.

[chitchat]

It sounds like he was on the rebound after you and he got in touch with you hoping that the fact he was getting married would make you beg him to go back to you. I would steer clear of him. He has made his choice and now he has to live with it. You just have to tell him to leave you alone so that you can get on with your life without him. I hope it all works out for you.

[claireyfairy]

Did you go to his wedding or is there absolute proof that he did infact get married? Cos it sounds to me like he might just have told you he was getting married to see what you would do (hoping that it would 'win' you back?).

[China Doll]

How do you feel about him Jenna? Just for two seconds forget their is a wife, I know that sounds horrid but just for a second....

[Eve]

Thank you all for your replies, you know I never even thought that he may not have got married!!!

I didn't go to the wedding and wouldn't have done if invited out of respect to her as she was a bit funny with me just because I was his ex. To me there was no issue and no threat but thinking now I think she may have sensed a threat from him. That was back in 1998 though!

Whever I ask him about married life he either just ignores the question or comes back with something like "not too bad".

China, hey hon, at first my feelings were all over the place. He always treated me like an absolute princess, makes me laugh and feel special and he was devasted when I ended the relationship although we stayed friends.

Now though it's just upsetting and horrible and seeing the way he's treated his wife (if there is one) has put me off for good as well as the fact he lives hundreds of miles away and still seems to live like a student (annoyed me enough when he was one as met him at uni).

[China Doll]

Well in that case sweetpea steer well clear, you don't even need him as a friend. Get rid of his number and don't respond if he tries to contact you... he'll get the message sooner or later. You don't need this person in your life as a friend or anything... he sounds way more hassle than he's worth.

Sorry... an slightly hard nosed bag!

[atolhurst]

He may have been a friend but he doesn't seem to have much grip on reality so I would cut ties with him.

I would just say that you feel that the communication between you and him is inappropriate given that he is married and you don't feel comfortable with it. Flip it around saying that if you were married and found out your hubby was in touch with an ex, it wouldn't sit well with you.

Wish him all the best and then delete his number.