Gay husband

[janeo]

My sister split up with her husband of 30 years when he confessed he was gay. How could she not have known??!!

[dejucrazy55]

maybe the signs were not there for her to realize it...or maybe she did know but didn't want to believe it.....

[janeo]

What "signs" ?

[dejucrazy55]

as in maybe he tended to go out as in hang out with his friends but they always tended to be men.....or maybe he refused to sleep with her or even kiss her or just touch her......or he seemed to always talk about guys instead of girls......maybe he looked at men and not at women or even at her when she was around...does that help??

[raysparx1]

Hi janeo,

Sad situation,but it happens I know two couples that this has hapened to,one couple had 3 children and had been married 20 years,the other couple never had any children, some men know they are gay but want a "respectable" front, you know, wife,kids, mortgage etc, so they live a lie,untill they can't do it any longer,things have changed now thankfully and if a man is "gay" it doesn't carry the stigma that it did,so not many gay men feel the need to live this charade. hope your sister is ok and coming to terms with it,hell of a shock for her, Ray

[Eve]

Denial can be an amazing thing and not all gay guys are the stereotypical more effeminate types.

In a way it could have been plus points about him, how often do us girls go on about how wonderful gay guys are!!

Bizarelly enough after having physical intimacy problems with men I thought I'd finally cracked it as he was, it seemd the first guy I could stay cuddled up with all night who wasn't gay!!! You live and you learn!

I have an ex who is gay and our relationship ended when he admitted this. It was very hard at first and I didn't see it coming but we ended up fantastic friends and it was me who first took him out on the scene and helped him come out.

For years after we both lived and workd together as friends and I have lived and worked with both him and his boyfriends at the same time with no issue.

It must be incredibly hard though after 30 years, our relationship was nowhere near as long. In a way there must be something very special about her in order for him to have stayed that long :)

[rugeleyboy]

my uncle is gay and before he came out he was happily co habiting with a woman who he had a child with!!

the signs!!!!....he has close shaved hair,big moustache,always wears tight tops,dances his ass of to the village people and spoke with a limp accent!!

and had "lots" of male friends who he goes clubbing with!!

i think he's ace before you all pick on me for being homophobic!!!

[jno]

perhaps he didn't know himself for much of the time. I don't think gay and straight are like black and white, more of a spectrum, and people move about on it over time. My guess is he's a quite different person from the one he was 30 years ago.

[kwicky]

In a case like this I don't think love comes into it. It is a well known fact that a man's sexual desire long outlives that of a woman and maybe the opportunity arose. They say there is more male homosexuality in prisons than outside because of this. Maybe that's why they allowed married couples to meet in prisons to stabilise this normality.

[noxlumos]

Kwicky , where are you from???

[maximo]

I don't understand Kwicky's answer either. Please elaborate.

[keithlbw]

Bet she didn't know which way to turn.

[kwicky]

To put it simply women want love, men want sex (although there are a few exceptions). If the marriage deteriates men will seek it from whichever quarter whether extra marital, prostitues, rent boys (remember that liberal MP) and homosexuality. Many women are unable to see this and the marriage breaks up.

[janeo]

Thanks to everyone for their answers.