Ohh What To Do For My Gay Son

[Rosielee123]

My son was kicked out by his dad 20 years ago because he was gay and my husband hated it, he became bitter about it as he was an alpha male and could never come to terms with his boy being "bent" and that was the only word I can print as the real words he used were very offensive.
I had to follow his words as he was a violent alcoholic right until he died last year.

My son now wants to come and see me with his partner which is fine but I'm really worried about putting my foot wrong and upsetting him or his partner and having him out of my life again as I don't have much time left.

How do I say sorry about not being able to stick up for him against my husband and letting him go like that?

How do I tell him that I never stopped thinking about him and that I never cared if he was gay as he was and is my son regardless?

Time is running out for me and I need to tell him I love him but how?

His father went to the grave hating his boy and his boy hating him and it burns me every day.

I wish I had the guts to stand up to my husband but I was scared.

What do I do?

[douglas9401]

See your son and his partner then see how it goes from there.

[Togo]

Just show him this thread Rosie. Let him read it and say nothing..... He will know. We do.

[Cloverjo]

You can't do anything about what your husband did and said, but can rekindle your relationship with your son.

Give him a big hug, say how pleased you are to see him and to meet his partner. See how it goes from there. There doesn't need to be grand speeches and big apologies now. You might talk about more as you get to know each other again, but for now enjoy having him back in your life.

[jakep]

I agree with Togo. A welcoming cuppa and the initial pleasantries then say you have something to show him, this thread. It says everything xx

[ummmm]

He probably knows that already.

[nailit]

Some alpha male your husband was...an alpha male would have protected his offspring no matter what.
The advice of those b4 me seems appropriate, good luck.

[gingejbee]

...and the fact that they both WANT to come to see you is a good sign.
Take everything slowly and it'll be fine....and let's know how things went after they've been.

[jno]

just say what you've said here. (I wouldn't go showing him this thread, though, people don't always appreciate being talked about online, even anonymously). You may well find he understands how it was with your husband already.

[pixie374]

What you said there is perfect. It sounds as though he already understands, as he wants to visit with his partner. Would sending him a card or message first with what you have said above, reassure you a bit before they arrive?

[Rosielee123]

Thank you and bless you all for your kind words.

Nailit you said "Some alpha male your husband was...an alpha male would have protected his offspring no matter what"

But you see the same thing could be said about me his mother protecting him. I just feel so low and so guilty.

[whiskeryron]

Love your son till it hurts. I know of another son who was rejected for his beliefs & killed & 2000 years later I still find it extremely painful.

[Mamyalynne]

Togo has hit the spot - your OP says it all.x

Hope everything works out for you.

[woofgang]

say to him what you have said to us x

[jennyjoan]

No - I wouldn't show him this thread either. The fact he wants to see you with his partner says it all. He wants you in his life.

[Ken4155]

No doubt your son knew his dad was a violent alcoholic. It follows, then, he will also know that is the reason you went along with your husband. Good luck and enjoy what time you have together.

[maggiebee]

Your son probably knows more than you realise. Just welcome him home with a big hug and take it from there.

[elliemay1]

He obviously knew what his Dad was like and would have known that you couldn't stand up to him. Don't beat yourself up about that.

[bednobs]

dont make any assumptions. Just because he wants to see you, doesn't mean you or anyone else knows what his motives are. Maybe he wants to see you to berate you for not sticking up for him. Maybe he wants to show you what a great life he has to rub your nose in it. He probably does want a relationship with you but equally he may not. 20 years is a long time and he might be very very different from what you remember

[emmie]

cherish every day you have with him, accept him and love him, and tell him so in whatever ways you know.

[TWR]

You can only speak for yourself Rosie & I think your son will know that, you can not re-write what's been said, support him now that you are on your own, what other people think, let them think & sod them, make the most of what time you have left, best wishes xx