Should i let this relationship continue?

[StewyGriffin]

I've recently got close to a colleague that i've known for about 18 months. She is a wonderful lady and we have so much in common. The problem i have is that she is 19 and i'm 35. The age difference isn't the issue for me, it's what we want from life that is creating an issue.

She has recently split from a long term partner and only wants a casual relationship at the moment, but at my age i want something more secure. I've been single for a few years and dedicated my personal life to my kids and now need some fun. I know thats what she wants but i also need someone to come home to and enjoy the simple things of sharing life together.

Do i nip it in the bud and miss out on a little companionship and fun, or see how it turns out and risk missing someone who maybe more of a match?

oh the quandary!! ;-)

[JackDanielsU]

Id say go for it...it could lead to what you want in the future....it may not....but if you dont try,,,,you'll never know.

Shes probably still hurting from the split of her relationship, and so is wary of committing at this stage.

[ummmm]

I think you should go for it.....You never know, she could be the perfect match!

[noxlumos]

Yeah what the other two said. Very few people think "oh I know, I'll go out with this person, then settle down and have kids" when they first meet, especially at 19. Most people just want to see how it goes far more casually first. Give it a go and see what happens. If you are right together it'll evolve into what you want and if not, no reason you can't have fun and still stay platonic friends when it all fizzles out. As long as you're mindset is right, you're in a no lose situation, just don't get jealous and possesive and enjoy yourself :)

[StewyGriffin]

Cheers folks, just the responses i was hoping for. I'm off to meet her now and i'm in a much better mindset thanks to you. Fingers crossed and thanks again.

Stewy.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, dont go just yet, read mine :(
If your single and she is single just start off with the 'bit of fun' that she wants for now. my guess is though that she is still hurting from her break up and will be gagging for some attention, so dont nip it in the bud just yet. Meet up with her a few times and see how she feels after a couple of nights of quality time with you. You may as well have a go whilst her mind is confused. You have to remember though that she is only 19 and will not be into settling down with you and your kids just yet, so dont let on that you are desperate..

[counsellor]

Go for it, age is a state of mind my hubby's 42 and im 29.... we met when i was 17.... we now have 2 kids and are married etc.... you never know what the fuure holds so live for today not for years time xxxxx

[StewyGriffin]

Thanks again everyone. It's been a good day and things are going well, i honestly thought i'd get some negative comments about the age difference. This place has a good bunch of people.
Ps MrBen you lost a star for saying i was desperate. Can you smell desperation? I must be reaking of it. ;-)

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i meant desperate to get with her :)

[WendyS]

Slow down a moment. You and she want very different things from this relationship. She wants her freedom and to have some fun. And you want some fun too, but you also want something that she's probably not ready for at her age, and that is to settle down and and have a life of commitment. And I think it's a little unfair of a 35 year old who's already done the commitment thing once by having kids, to expect her to cut her expectations short to accommodate your longer term needs.
I think, by continuing this relationship you may be asking to get hurt again in the long run by becoming emotionally closer to somebody who might not be able to deliver for you.
You can still have some companionship and pleasure with somebody in your own age group who will quite probably have done her share of "living" and be more ready to settle down than a 19 year old.

[MrBen5]

Looks like you might have pulled there Stewygriffin ;)
Wendy is a clever girl too

[StewyGriffin]

Thank you WendyS for you succinct comments, I appreciate an alternative view on the subject. Whilst I don�t completely agree with your view, it has made me sit back and think a little. I have worried about her �cutting her expectations short to accommodate my longer term needs� But I�m not prepared to let that happen, I will cut my expectations long before I ever expect her to cut hers. I�m not entering this lightly, hence my post here.
I believe I am a decent human being and have respect and admiration for all whom deserve it. I fell for this lady a while ago, but never made my feelings known, she was the one that initiated the first union. I am a very young 35 (I know that sounds pretentious, but what the hell) I can talk and understand her in all aspects of her life; we even have a similar taste in music and most other things. So that�s not an issue.

I may have already done the commitment thing, but I feel as though I�m young enough to do it again. And at her pace, not mine. The scrapheap is a little time away yet. ;-). And as for hurt, I can cope with it, if it�s coming my way. I�m not letting my kids get close to her until I know we have a future, so I�m doing my utmost to protect them.

We only live once, so I�m going to grab every great thing that comes my way. And she is a truly great thing to happen to me. I�ve spent too long worrying what others may think. If my children are happy, and she�s happy, then I�m happy.

Thanks for making me analyse this in so much detail.

Stewy