bed time!

[superchick]

hi there, can anyone help me? We have a 3 & a half year old son who is playing up @ night. i made the mistake of having him in bed with me when he was a baby to which we got him out of when he was about 2. He was as good as gold going straight to bed (even exicted about going to bed) went to straight to sleep & stayed in bed all night. Then he decided he wanted to play up & not go to bed which again after about 2 weeks we sorted out without any real problems. Now for the last 2 months he has decided he doesnt want to go to bed let alone stay in bed. we have tried everything from turning lights off,shutting doors,saying he can have presents if he is good,putting him back in bed with no talking or eye contact. we are now trying bath before bed & reading story in bed but he still gets out so my partner actually sits in our bedroom next door now which can take anything up 2 hours. The reason for doing this so he doesnt actually get down stairs(we thought it better to get him straight back in bed instead of him coming down stairs) . You name it we have tried it.I have recently spoke to health vistor as getting to end of tether to which she advised us for my partner to deal with him once he started getting out of bed. We would love for him to go to bed like he used to. If anybody can advise of what to do it would be very much appreciated.

[anderlee]

The 'experts' say that you should put your child straight back to bed with no talking,eye contact etc and be consistent. Eventually, he will realise that bed means bed and will get bored of it. It may take a few nights and be very hard but it will be worth it in the end. My uncle had this problem and his little girl was used to being in bed with mum and dad. She is now 5 and has only been in her bed for a few months!! I have a 14 month old son and he has never shared our bed since I breastfed him. He is in his own room and sleeps for 12 hours a night. Good Luck !

[lady_p_gold]

I agree with the above, just return him to bed without any eye contact and in a matter of fact way. Even if it means you have to do it 50 times do not give up. Also you could have a chart which gets a sticker if he stays in his own bed all night and then at the end of the week if he has all the stickers he gets to choose a toy or something at the shop. Remember he is 3 and a half and you are the ones who are in control not him, although I admit it is hard to remain emotionally detached while he is screaming the place down. But ... better that than a problem which lasts for years.

[superchick]

HI Anderlee, thanks for response. We have tried the no eye contact etc but he just keeps going & going. As a mother it is very hard to listen to your child scream & cry. My partner keeps saying he is not in pain or hurt but it still isnt very nice. But i understand no pain no gain!!

[katangel26]

The professional advice is the first time he gets out of bed say 'It's bedtime darling, go to sleep' as you're putting him in bed, the second time he gets out it's 'it's bedtime', then the third, you're supposed to say nothing as you put him to bed.

With my son I made that mistake too of letting him sleep in my bed, the way I got him out of it was by sitting at his bed the first time he falled asleep, then in the middle of his bed the next night, it felt like an eternity til I could sit at the bottom of the stairs but it worked. He just needs to know that you're there. My son's 7 now and has been sleeping (almost blissfully, alone) for the last four years.

It just takes time and although it does hurt as a mother to hear them cry, your partner is right, they're not hurt or being emotionally scarred, they're just trying to get their own way.

Kate x

P.S. You health visitor suggesting that your partner deal with him is ridiculous, your son needs to know that you're both doing the same thing, so maybe one taking the reigns one night, and the other doing the next night would be best.

[superchick]

Hi Katangel26, Thanks for response. My partner started by sitting with him he has now started going in to the bedroom but he tells him he cant stay there long because he gets cold, then after a short while he tells our son he is going down stairs. It seems to be working @ least our son seems to be staying in bed now rather than keep getting out of bed. Hopefully it will get to the point where we can put him in bed then come straight downstairs & he will go to sleep as he did before. Fingers x`d. !!