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Can't get over it, why??
16 Answers
I cant get over the fact that my g/f went to her ex's wedding, who is also an old friend, on my birthday last year - Why did she pick him over me?
I felt betrayed when she did, and been punishing her ever since including getting so drunk the night before her birthday I was too ill to stand let alone go out with them all.
We had a pap new year because we went to a party and someone talked about the wedding and I lost it.... I spent the whole night arguing over her commitment to our relationship.
I still feel very betrayed and she still cant see she thinks she's done something wrong.
I felt betrayed when she did, and been punishing her ever since including getting so drunk the night before her birthday I was too ill to stand let alone go out with them all.
We had a pap new year because we went to a party and someone talked about the wedding and I lost it.... I spent the whole night arguing over her commitment to our relationship.
I still feel very betrayed and she still cant see she thinks she's done something wrong.
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Its her ex boyfriend though? He dumped her for the woman he married, doesn't that count for anything?
Was I being stupid in expecting some kind of loyalty?
If my ex boyfriend / husband was getting married on her birthday I wouldn't have hesitated for one second to be with her - he was my past she is supposed to be my future...
Was I being stupid in expecting some kind of loyalty?
If my ex boyfriend / husband was getting married on her birthday I wouldn't have hesitated for one second to be with her - he was my past she is supposed to be my future...
Its nothing to do with Loyalty!!!!
He is her friend, ex or not....do your friends not expect a bit of loyalty as well.
Its his wedding she went to, she obviously doesnt have any feelings left for him or she wouldnt have went.
He now has a wife so I cant see the problem
Why didnt you go with her
and regardless of what you say it is very petty to make a point of ruining her birthday to get back at her....how old are you btw
He is her friend, ex or not....do your friends not expect a bit of loyalty as well.
Its his wedding she went to, she obviously doesnt have any feelings left for him or she wouldnt have went.
He now has a wife so I cant see the problem
Why didnt you go with her
and regardless of what you say it is very petty to make a point of ruining her birthday to get back at her....how old are you btw
I never intended to get back at her . Thats ridiculous, and not very grown up - I'm old enough to know better then that.
I went out with a mate that night to chat over the how i was going to deal with her birthday the next day and made a decision to go with a smile on my face and make it as special for her as I could - I don't know what happened but after only 3 or 4 pints I was very ill the next day and couldn't go.
If I could have got out of bed without being ill I would have gone.
I really wanted to as I wanted to prove I could rise above it u know... I didnt go with her as I had already made plans for my birthday with a large group of people.
I went out with a mate that night to chat over the how i was going to deal with her birthday the next day and made a decision to go with a smile on my face and make it as special for her as I could - I don't know what happened but after only 3 or 4 pints I was very ill the next day and couldn't go.
If I could have got out of bed without being ill I would have gone.
I really wanted to as I wanted to prove I could rise above it u know... I didnt go with her as I had already made plans for my birthday with a large group of people.
The thing you have to remember is he is her EX, she is with you not him, because he is an ex does not mean you sever all ties, some people remain really good friends, nothing wrong with that, I am in touch with my first ever girlfriend and she will allways be special to me, it just didn't work for us, I have been married 35 years, and my wife has no problem with me meeting my ex girlfriend for a drink and a chat, after all she is an ex, you must trust her, she wanted to go to his wedding I think it was a lovely gesture by him to have asked her and it shows she is a lovely person because she was happy, to see him happy, now forget it and move forward, good luck, new year, new start, Ray
how can you say you didn't intend to get back at her??
you have stated a couple of times that you have been "punishing" her ever since "...including getting so drunk before her birthday that you couldn't stand..."
you then ruined a party merely at the mention of the wedding...
thats ridiculous and not very grown up!!
you wanted to prove you could rise above, but you didn't even try!!
you sound a little needy and irrational, in that you don't seem to know what you are feeling and what you are doing.
as has been said - a marriage is a one off that can only be attended on the day chosen - a birthday is a yearly occurence and can be celebrated on any day.
or perhaps her ex should have rearranged to whole thing around your birthday?
he was getting married for gods sake!! or did you think he may try for a quickie with your girlfriend in the vestry??
why should she still be upset that he dumped her for a woman he dearly loves, more than anyone, so much so that he married her?? - better than being dumped for a meaningless fling with some floozy!
at least he left her for his real love.
perhaps thats why she has forgiven him and they have remained friends?
he has proved that he doesn't want her - by marrying someone else - and she has proved she doesn't love him - by watching him marry someone else...so you don't have much to worry about do you?
sounds like you have jealousy issues and cannot stand that your girlfriend has been intimate with this man - well she has, so you need to get over it - you do not own her and she is not your property.
if you try to cage her, she will fly away the first chance she gets
you have stated a couple of times that you have been "punishing" her ever since "...including getting so drunk before her birthday that you couldn't stand..."
you then ruined a party merely at the mention of the wedding...
thats ridiculous and not very grown up!!
you wanted to prove you could rise above, but you didn't even try!!
you sound a little needy and irrational, in that you don't seem to know what you are feeling and what you are doing.
as has been said - a marriage is a one off that can only be attended on the day chosen - a birthday is a yearly occurence and can be celebrated on any day.
or perhaps her ex should have rearranged to whole thing around your birthday?
he was getting married for gods sake!! or did you think he may try for a quickie with your girlfriend in the vestry??
why should she still be upset that he dumped her for a woman he dearly loves, more than anyone, so much so that he married her?? - better than being dumped for a meaningless fling with some floozy!
at least he left her for his real love.
perhaps thats why she has forgiven him and they have remained friends?
he has proved that he doesn't want her - by marrying someone else - and she has proved she doesn't love him - by watching him marry someone else...so you don't have much to worry about do you?
sounds like you have jealousy issues and cannot stand that your girlfriend has been intimate with this man - well she has, so you need to get over it - you do not own her and she is not your property.
if you try to cage her, she will fly away the first chance she gets
I totally agree with every word from that last post! I can't for the life of me understand what your problem is. Its so obvious that your girlfriend is over her ex or she wouldn't have wanted to watch him get married. You sound like a petty, very insecure person and you'll lose this girl if you don't buck up abit.
Hmmm, i think your being a little hard on trikkinikki5 as she is obviously a very insecure girl and stating that its all her fault isnt true.
Nikki, i understand your concern and that you must be a very loyal person yourself, but i agree with a few of the replies. I dont think your girl thinks she has done any wrong. Have you actually sat down and explained to her how much it hurt you? I would be really miffed if i was in your position too. Your right, if it was your birthday, she should be spending it with you. But if it wasnt your birthday, then maybe she could have gone to the wedding, but invited you along too.
Your relationship with this girl doesnt seem very stable, and things are only gonna get a lot worse as you both arent communicating very well. I am guessing your not very experienced in relationships and you need reassurance from your partner on 'trivial things'. But it doesnt seem your getting it as she comes across as not being bothered. But you need to sort out and have a good long chat about what you both expect from each other cos it will only get worse if you dont...
Nikki, i understand your concern and that you must be a very loyal person yourself, but i agree with a few of the replies. I dont think your girl thinks she has done any wrong. Have you actually sat down and explained to her how much it hurt you? I would be really miffed if i was in your position too. Your right, if it was your birthday, she should be spending it with you. But if it wasnt your birthday, then maybe she could have gone to the wedding, but invited you along too.
Your relationship with this girl doesnt seem very stable, and things are only gonna get a lot worse as you both arent communicating very well. I am guessing your not very experienced in relationships and you need reassurance from your partner on 'trivial things'. But it doesnt seem your getting it as she comes across as not being bothered. But you need to sort out and have a good long chat about what you both expect from each other cos it will only get worse if you dont...
Nope I honestly didn't intend to get back at her - I even took her away to Paris two weeks before her birthday, I have tried my very best to not let it bother me.
If she had told me she was going to the wedding as soon as she found out it was on my birthday instead of letting me wait 5 months before deciding if she was going on not then it might have been easier for me to respect her final decision .
As it turns out she never recieved her invitation at the same time as everyone else, hers only arrived a few weeks before the actual wedding and she heard from friend when it was going to be - so it looks a bit like her VERY good friend the groom (or more likely the bride) didn't really want her there anyway - I was invited but by the time she decided what she wanted to do I had already made plans and booked things.
Its was a monumental muck up - and I still find it hard to come to terms with the fact she didn't put us being together first. Its been like that in a lot of things from the start, and possibly the birthday thing was glaring evidence of what I already knew, but just couldnt admit.
If that makes me insecure in my relationship then so be it - I did try to make her birthday special. I even went with her to the venue a few weeks before to make sure it was a good enough venue for a group party.
Yes I am firecly loyal and would never put an ex before my current partner. Thats not love in my book.
If she had told me she was going to the wedding as soon as she found out it was on my birthday instead of letting me wait 5 months before deciding if she was going on not then it might have been easier for me to respect her final decision .
As it turns out she never recieved her invitation at the same time as everyone else, hers only arrived a few weeks before the actual wedding and she heard from friend when it was going to be - so it looks a bit like her VERY good friend the groom (or more likely the bride) didn't really want her there anyway - I was invited but by the time she decided what she wanted to do I had already made plans and booked things.
Its was a monumental muck up - and I still find it hard to come to terms with the fact she didn't put us being together first. Its been like that in a lot of things from the start, and possibly the birthday thing was glaring evidence of what I already knew, but just couldnt admit.
If that makes me insecure in my relationship then so be it - I did try to make her birthday special. I even went with her to the venue a few weeks before to make sure it was a good enough venue for a group party.
Yes I am firecly loyal and would never put an ex before my current partner. Thats not love in my book.
Well.......you didn't say all that in the original question. If you had the answers may have been a little different
I still stand by my first answer, birthday every year, wedding (hopefully) once in a life time
Let it go now....there is no point holding on to it,,,it's done and gone. The next time a situation like this arises she will remember your reaction....and will probably consuly you first. We do learn by our mistakes. Good luck x
I still stand by my first answer, birthday every year, wedding (hopefully) once in a life time
Let it go now....there is no point holding on to it,,,it's done and gone. The next time a situation like this arises she will remember your reaction....and will probably consuly you first. We do learn by our mistakes. Good luck x
The thing is .... she went to the wedding and nothing can change that. There are two possible ways of looking at it. Firstly that she did in fact put him before you, that could be that she is not as committed to the relationship, or it could be that she was very happy and confident of your love and relationship and thought it would be ok. The other way of looking at it is, and this is what I suspect is correct, is that you are insecure and this act has made you feel unloved, and you cannot 'feel right' as deep down you do not feel as if she really loves you. Until you can get over this feeling, or sort it out with her, then it is going to be a barrier to your relationship and be bubbling away underneath. You will be constantly looking for reassurance in her actions. What you need to do is address whatever it is in your past that has given you those feelings, because I can guarantee that if they are this strong then they will happen in other relationships. Either come to terms that you are never going to 'trust' her love again and end the relationship, or start anew as if you have only just met and draw a line under it. You are behaving as if you have discovered infidelity and cannot let it drop and it will fester on and on. Just like someone in that situation who discovers their partner has had an affair, you have to make a decision to put up or shut up. I hope you manage to sort out things and be more happy inside yourself. Even if she didn't care a jot about you on that night and she did betray you, you should have more self worth than to destroy yourself over it.
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