Is this unreasonable?

[Catmonkey]

Do you think it's unreasonable for me to be against the idea of my boyfriend being friends with his ex girlfriend?

I don't mean friends as in being civil to each other or seeing each other in a group of mutual friends (which would be fine), but just the two of them going out for a drink? I don't object to him having other female friends, and I trust him (but I don't know about her!) but the idea of being friends with ex's bothers me. He agreed not to go with just her, and can see my point, but when he suggested a couple of our friends went along too she apparently went crazy saying I was controlling him and he should go, which made me very suspicious of her motives.

Do you think I was unreasonable?

[yesmadam]

No you're not being unreasonable at all. She has no right to even comment on you and what you have said in private to your boyfriend. I'd also wonder why he's talking about what you have said to him about her.
What's the deal with him seeing her? why is he even seeing her? you are a couple now and quite clearly this person is trying to cause trouble by stirring.
Bad Bad Bad.

Put your foot down. My husband wouldn't dream of seeing his ex. No need. No kids.....

[yesmadam]

ooh, just thought of something... being from the woman kind, and Hell hath no fury etc.

You could go to where they're having a drink, maybe arrange to meet him after you've been out with a mate? or don't tell him and just surprise him? look beautiful, and say wow!!! great night out,.... give her a side ways dirty look and a wink, have a quick drink with them together and then leave with him. Does she normally get a cab home after they've met or does he run her home? He should be perfectly comfortable with you being there and should show warmth when he sees you walk in with a big smile!!!

I'd then ruddy turn her to stone myself just for the comment she made about you.

[ummmm]

I've stayed mates with a few of my ex's and go out for drinks with them and none of my boyfriends have minded...but, the invitation for my boyfriend to come along was always there.....

[noxlumos]

Yeah it's super unreasonable. In the big grown up world, people are capable of remaining friends with their ex's, in fact they should by and large. A woman who objected to me remaining friends with my soon to be ex-wife would get right on my nerves.Why can't people see the difference between being friendly and wanting to screw someone's brains out? If he wanted her he'd be with her, he's not he's with you, so stop worrying and don't be a control freak or you will drive him away.If it really, really upsets you, then talk to him about it and try to come to a compromise.

[yesmadam]

I don't get the seeing each other after splitting. It's called moving on. New pastures, new life together, new relationship.

I don't think Catmonkey is being unreasonable at all. This ex of his is saying Catmonkey's controlling him. That to me sounds like a little dig and a 'oh, at least I never made a fuss.... I didn't control you like she does' blah de blah....
That's stirring in my books.

Not wanted or needed. Girls can be very nasty, and this one sounds a baddun'..... in my grown up world lol......

[noxlumos]

You can "move on" and still be a civilised person, unless the ONLY thing you ever saw in the ex was sex. I like my wife as a person, not just someone I once had sex with. She's kind, funny, intelligent, a good friend. She's also now living with someone else, that she left me for. I'm managing not to be a super arse over it ( so far) Lol, and she and her new bloke are coming for dinner on Tuesday prior to picking the kids up to take them back to the States where they now live.
As I said you can move on and still act like a an adult. If this boyfriend of Catmonkey's is for her, no amount of angling from anyone will change that, so the controlling dramatics are unnecessary.

[Sasha13]

Sorry, I agree with noxlumos. He's an adult (presumably) if he still wanted to be with this girl he would be and more importantly if he wants to cheat on you with her he will do, whether or not you have agreed to them being friends. She may be trying to stir it up by saying you're controlling, but then a) you are being a little and b) it may be that she does just want to be friends with your bfriend and feels hard done by with you feeling the way you do. Try not to worry about it - at least you and your bfriend are communicating about it and he's not going behind your back! x

[gloop]

My closest friend is an ex-boyfriend. I am also friends with his girlfriend and she's fine about it. I tend to remain friends with people I've been out with as I like them as people. I wouldn't have gone out with them in the first place if I didn't. I don't really see the problem. I don't think you should ever tell people who they can and can't see. It's just too possessive.

[yesmadam]

Nox, I'd just like to say I'm sorry to hear of your split.
Take Care. xxx

[Dolly1308]

Devastated for you noxy ,so sorry to hear you've split up . I don't agree with everything you say but I really am sorry .God bless .

[joko]

yea i agree with noxy.

unless you have a reason to think she is after him and is trying to split you up, then you have no business trying to control things.


just because they once had a thing doesn't mean it is always on the table.

i still see a number of my exes socially (unplanned, just bumping into ) but i sit and chat for a while and i have no intention of jumping into bed with any of them

do you feel that way with all your exes?

[Mammar]

No, you were not being unreasonable.
I agree with Nox about being civilised but in this particular instance given I have warning prickles up the back of my neck.
If she had agreed to the friends joining them, I doubt I would feel this way. Or if she had said "Bring Cat with you"
but I have to ask myself why she would want them to be alone together?
I don't think it's him you have to worry about, Cat, as he's obviously being honest with you and seems a bit puzzled by it too.
Watch the situation carefully without trying to control him and see what develops.