Why doesn't she want sex?

[davec886]

Ladies......... I'm living with a gorgeous, curvy lady who; when we first met, was very interested in sex, even where previous girlfriends hadn't been. i.e. during her period. For a while sex was great, apart from the post mortem she insisted in having after every session. Why did you do that? what did you think you were doing? what made you think I'd enjoy that? After only 6 months or so she refused me sex and now it's 6 years later. She says she won't have sex because she thinks that sex is only for attractive people and she's not worthy. I love her and I'm prepared to wait. I've not strayed in 6 years and don't intend to. Am I doing the right thing or is she being unreasonable? I do want sex and I'm finding that being faithful is getting increasingly harder, please help me ladies, what's happening here?

[redhead23]

im female dave

and i would not put up with 6 years without sex or expect a man in my life too either

why dont u suggest counselling , its all a bit weired xx have u put on weight or anything is she not working

has all the passion gone from your relationship ie kissing and stuff as well /

[grumpii]

I am male, tell her how you feel, tel her that you think that she is worthy, and you want her, otherwise you will burst.

[Kaylz1988]

Well obviously theres something extremely wrong here. Maybe she needs the reasurrance that she is worth wanting etc. I agree with red... I wouldnt put up with 6yrs of not having sex or expect neone else to either! I really think you deserve a medal mate.

I used to HATE sleeping with my ex as he was a total ******... and made me feel like i was just being used for sex.

Or maybe she doesnt enjoy sex with you. I think you need to sit down and really talk to her. Dig really deep. But show her support and act like you really deeply care.

Theres some excellent books that have helped me with relationship issues...

http://www.relate.org.uk/RelateBooks.asp?cat=1 76

Good luck x

[I_Tried]

seduce the woman and go for the big jump never fails lmao

Mr. T a crazy fool

[penlid]

I am a hermaphradite and am offended that you can be so selffish. i have never been in a reltionship think urself lucky. u freek!!!!!!

[CushtyFred]

She is blatently getting it else where.

[DJerba]

'Shes not worthy' I think quite obviously translates into something else. You have deprived yourself of something humans naturally need and want for the past 6 years thats a long time but by the fact you have shows you are committed and obviously want to resolve the issue.

The most obvious thing I guess is that you need to tell her exactly how you feel and how not having a sexual side to your relationship makes you feel maybe she doesn't understand the effect it is having on you. You're not being unreasonable in the slightest but clearly you need to resolve the problem otherwise it could destroy your relationship.

Have you considered that she may have strayed and feels that she has not only abused your trust but has also ruined what you had? Somthing else also came into mind and I'm only saying this because it happened to a really close friend of mine maybe she has been assulted by a man in the past or while you have been together? That can have serious effects mentally, emotionally and physically. Another option - Is she being bullied whilst at work?

There are a number of reasons why she could be feeling like this and it sounds like an issue of trust.

Talk to her you're not being selfish you're being reasonable.

I hope things get sorted out

[cazzz1975]

It sounds like she doesnt feel sexy or attractive, I guess you have to go back to basics and romance her. maybe someone said something to her to shatter her confidence.

dont put pressure on her to have sex, treat it like you have just met again and take things slowly, she needs to feel attractive and sexy

[shaylee]

6 years??!?? whoa.
thats a loooooong time!
i agree though with cazzz. i think there is something going on that she isnt telling you or sharing with you. it sounds like some major insecurity in her. maybe she really does feel unattractive or fat or something else. it isnt right though, and the two of you definitely need to discuss this however hard it might seem.
and what red says is right, 6 years is way too long, i wouldnt expect a man to wait that long and i wouldnt want to myself!!
has anything happened in her life to make her dislike sex?

[oh-sherbert!]

sex? whats that? i used to know what that word meant.....!

[annierak]

hi.

what do you mean by 'curvy'? what size clothes does she wear?

i too am a larger lady, and my man loves me as i am and i know quite a few men who like curvy women.

i know a lot of people hate us bigger people, but we have huge inner beauty, which is what my man sees, more than my size. there are too many shallow people out there who only look at the outer packaging.

just keep reassuring her that you still love her. maybe you should try just a cuddle to start with. but i think there are deeper issues here. you have to find out why she analyses everything. something in her past life has made her this way.

if you really love her for being herself and not just for some sex machine, stick at it..

[davec886]

Thanks to everyone for all your support, no, I haven't put on weight, she is being bullied at work and she has been assaulted in previous relationships, she is only size 18/20 -she has a responsible job, and we do enjoy a cuddle I guess there's a lot for me to do but thanks to you all