i feel like im always in the background

[jen85]

another rant but i know where 2 turn if im feeling a bit down. im getting a bit fed up with my bf. he has a child who is 2 years old and has weekly access on 2 weekdays and on a sunday. we want to go away this weekend over saturday night so he has asked to change the day that he has his son, to the saturday morning instead so that we can spend more time away and dont need 2 rush back on the sunday. it turns out that he has told his ex that he has a family do on the sunday and not that he was going away with me. it just always seems that still after over a year of being together he has to lie to his child's mother about seeing me. he thinks it is because if she knew he was changing the day for the baby because of me then she wouldnt agree to the different day. i asked him today y he always makes up different excuses and its like he doesnt want to upset her. she wouldnt be upset by it anyways because she has a new bf as well. he is keen for us to get a place together but what is going to happen when the baby comes to visit and im there. will he always lie and say that iv gone out or just not tell her that im living with him!? even when we go out for the day, i can tell he is always looking around to check that we dont bump into her or any of her friends. im just getting fed up of always being in the background. im 100% positive that he doesnt want to be with her as she treats him so badly but why is he being like this!?

[LittleMissxx]

obviously he knows her better and probably believes she would get awkward so maybe its for the best. I wouldnt say he's putting you in the background, more like first if he's making other arrangements for his child in order to spend time with you. In an ideal world, your quite right, she should just deal with it, but it isnt and even when people have moved on, they still havent if u get my drift. Maybe u could have a word with her , woman to woman ?

[tiny e.a]

I really wouldn't let it bother you, like LittleMissxx says, he's rearranging the times so that he can spend more time with you. So what if he doesn't tell the mum what exactly he's doing? Why are you so keen for her to know that he's doing something with you? What she knows and what she doesn't has absolutely no affect on your life what soever and isn't really any of your business so stop getting worked up about nothing and be glad he's arranged the time to spend with you.

[xhxmxsx]

first of all i'm sure it isnt just your fella that does this i'm sure there are mahy who are in the same situation.

when me and my fiance first got together although his x was already engaged to someone he constantly had to lie to her for them sort of things due to her being very awkward, i found out later on that she was threatened by me as i was another 'mother' figure and she didnt like it, we now dont lie to her as much but i wouldnt even call them lies they're more of hidden truths because she still gets awkward and it has been nearly 3 years, with my fiance's x it was ok for her to introduce another man into the kids lives and have another 'father' figure but not ok for my fiance to have a partner, it'll all blow over and it's nothing to worry about.

[Pippa68]

Totally agree with the others.

When Mr Pippa and I got together it was the same..and to be honest it did pee me off, but I knew it was for the best at that time because the main concern was for his daughter to have contact with him ~ and if the boat was rocked, rightly or wrongly his ex needed to be kept sweet.

It won't last forever..and these early days with a young kiddie are vital for contact.

[jen85]

thank u for your replies. sorry if i sounded like i was whinging for no reason i just find it so hard at times and try to be understanding and accept his past. i think xhxmxsx summed my situation up exactly. the ex doesn't want me seeing the child and hates me even though i dont know the girl and haven't done anything to her. ill just have to ride it out i just wish that my fella would release sometimes that i am trying to be understanding but it is difficult.

[xhxmxsx]

jen it is difficult but will get better in time, dont lower herself to your level, let your boyfriend lie to his x as long as he aint lying to you it's fine

[Pippa68]

yes ~ it is bloody hard! I have had to remain in the background for over 10 years...this Mothers Day just gone I had a lovely text message from my stepdaughter wishing me a great day. I tell you what, it moved me to tears..and made me realise that by seeing through all the hard times and putting up with ex wifes animosity (I had nothing to do with their break up, btw) I have won a battle.

Stepdaughter is now 14 and we get along famously. Hang on in there :o)

[redhead23]

was u the reason he split with her ??????

i used to date a pratt with kids and i got fed up of playing 2nd best to them , it is restrictive and when its not your own kid its not the same , im not sure why he has to lie to her , is she more attractive or something? i don't get it , he should be a man and say he is with u !!!

[jen85]

no they split up because she went funny after she had the kid. very reluctant about him seeing his child and after 3 months of her giving him the run around and messing him about, he got fed up and it ended. we were talking at that point quite often but we never dreamt of looking each other in a relationship kind of way until everything was done with our ex's and a good 5 months after they split. i completly understand who much his child means to him and would never dream of getting in the way of that, its just very difficult. she knows he is with me and he has told her how much he loves me. its not a case of who is more attractive. i dont know why that would come into it!? fingers crossed it gets better soon and she begins to accept that he has moved on as well. especially now that we are talking of saving up to get our own place. she will have to deal with that one day.