Missing children

[MrBen5]

Going off an earlier answer in a post.
Have any of you who have children ever left your children, in a public place, to go to use the bathroom, ice cream van,etc.
If so, do you think that you are in the same 'class of bad parenting' as the parents of missing Madaline?
If not why not?

[Goodsoulette]

Its hard to know what age to stop worrying though. We have to let go sometimes Enigma. I was allowed to do all sorts of things as a ten year old. When I was at school a girl who got kept behind to talk about her homework when everyone else had to go to church got raped on the way from school to the 300 yard journey to church. Ill never forget it till the day I day as she appeared hysterical and half naked in the church. She was 14. At a similar age, I nearly got attacked walking home from school in the winter in my PE kit. My mum was furious with me for walking home in a my kit. Fortunately the guy in the green grocers heard the commotion and got him off me.

[enigma]

Too true Goodsoulette. I am just starting to relax the reins with my eldest daughter in the respect that I am letting her venture a little further afield from our house - slightly. Even then, she must be accompanied with her friends, not wander far away and must carry her mobile, fully charged. Before anyone says that a mobile is no substitute for parental consent, I am fully aware of that but as the vast majority of her schoolfriends carry mobiles, I would be alienating her from her peers by not allowing her to have one and at least this way if God forbid the worst happened, the police would at least hopefully have a signal to go on.

I do leave my kids away from me for a period of time five days per week though - to go to school and nursery. To all the parents online now of young kids , where are your kids just now? At school perhaps or nursery? We leave the most precious people to us in the whole world in the care of people we trust to look after our kids in our absence and trust that there will be no problems other than a skint knee at playtime perhaps. Sadly for the kids of Dunblane et al this wasn't the case but we can not keep our kids shrouded away from the world living a bubble wrapped like existence and so hope and pray each day that our kids will be safe.

I share your sentiments Smudge. I certainly don't trust anyone anymore and in fact, I was just saying to my hubby last night that no matter how good your friends may seem , you just never know if any of them could be a deviant. We moved house almost two years ago and made a new circle of friends but we don't know them that well yet. Our eldest keeps asking to go to sleepovers at her friends' houses but we keep making excuses. I am just not happy about that at all.

[carrust]

I had the same upbringing as enigma's husband, loads of freedom etc. However, in the 80's I used to help in the local youth club. We catered for kids from 14yrs old & upwards. You could always tell the kids who over-protected. As soon as they were given a bit of freedom they went wild..sex,booze, drugs you name it they tried it. These kids were from respectable middle class homes, & their parents were very caring etc, there only fault is that they had there kids on a too shorter leash.

[leelapops]

I can safely say I never want to have children....It is an absolute minefield, and I am terrified even at the prospect! Reading about dilemmas that parents face just reinforces my concerns!

However, I can't comment on parenting, as I am not one. I have a bit to say on the McCanns, but I think really it's been said already on the "missing 50 days" post.
x

[Goodsoulette]

carrust, I am so glad you made that point. You overprotect children or tell them everything is wrong for them they will go wild. I got laughed at and really pulled downon another thread to do with drugs because I suggested that would be the case.

[poorclare]

I was visiting another area of our town only to see children playing in the street at 10 30 in the evening (near a main road ) the children were not from that street but the parents think they are safe because they are in their own area, NO one knew who I was. The children should have been washed and in their bed.

[carrust]

Goodsoulette. Thanks for that. I found the worst offenders to be Policeman's sons & Vicars daughters, followed by university professors kids. Don't get me started with the offspring of social workers !!

[rabbitygirl]

Did post a reply which hasn't appeared and may be languishing elsewhere. I want to say how sorry I am that you all have such a worrying time as parents. Obviously it shouldn't be like this but I think some of you border on the paranoid and see paedos on every corner. In the 60s we were out and about in groups. My own boys were allowed out for short periods with neighbours children and wider afield as they got older.
As mentioned elsewhere I have a family history which should have made me very nervous but all I wanted was my 2 sons being treated normally and as other kids. I know it isn't foolproof but if they play in groups shouldn't that ease your minds a bit? A paedo approached my husband and his friends when he was young (perverts are not new) but they were street wise and saw him off. Protect your tiny ones yes but how will your children become confident, know danger and learn to be responsible for themselves if they are so guarded? Have we seen the last generation to enjoy being outside without mum and dad?

[kayglover]

my daughters just turned 2. I think that any mother who could leave there child alone is a bad parent i know how hard it is to have your eyes everywhere and to watch your children 24/7 but thats no excuse to leave a child alone there are way to many sick people in this world now and am sorry i feel for Madaline's parents but to go have dinner and leave your children alone is bang out of order childern should be the most important people in parents lifes......

[boobesque]

My daughter is 9 months old now, if I need to use the toilet and its just me and her, i will find a disabled toilet and take her in with me pram and all. No way would I leave her outside and I wouldn't leave the door open as someone could easily take her while I have my kecks round my ankles!

My 8 year old goes to a special school, he cant speak and I know the staff are all thoroughly checked, but I still worry about the male staff in particular, I think I would be able to tell if Callum wasn't happy, but the worry is always there in the back of my head.

Its a scary world nowadays, you read that cases are no more than when we were younger, but the press didn't report on them then, but the fact it is so publicised is reason why our kids dont have so much freedom.

[aims1202]

I am shocked by these answers! The world would be a happier and safer place if we all trusted each other more and we looked out for everyone and their children.
I think it might be the media that makes all of you so scared of the world?
Children are safest when they know they can handle situations on their own and have confidence and independence and are taught ways of keeping safe.
If you overprotect your children they are more likely to be bullied and may not be able to handle difficult situations. They will be scared to do any thing as an adult. I know adults like this.
My mum gave me a lot of freedom but she taught me to keep myself safe. I am so grateful for that as now i know if i want to something nothing can stop me and i have done some amazing things in my adult life that i know others would be scared of doing. I have travelled to many countries first time when i was 19 on my own, and last year me and my 3 year old son travelled in China.
I know parents who are scared to go to the woods with their kids! They are all missing out.
You have to go by the child in how much freedom you give them. I let my 4 yr old son play out the front with older children. I keep checking on them now and again and i ask the older ones to stay with him. I have told him never to go anywhere with anyone even someone he knows. And also to stay within a certain distance of our house and to never cross the road. The chances of something happening are so tiny compared to the effects of keeping him inside. I am a good parent and i love my son more than anything in the world. I also worry about things happening but i do not want to make this worry, which is normal, effect him.
more to follow

[aims1202]

continued
There are very few people out there who want to harm children and the majority of children who are abused or abducted are done so by a family member. This we can protect them from. I cannot imagine how devatasting it must be when something does happen, it doesnt bear thinking about. But i do think you would feel so guilty whatever the circumstances. You feel you have to protect them from the moment they are born but you also have to let them be free, have fun with just other kids, and learn independence.
What happened to Madeleine is absolutely horrifying and devestating. luckly its very unusual. Her parents are not bad parents, we can see they love their daughter very much and are doing eveything they can to find her. They felt that their children were safe and it may not be what every parent chooses to do but its not our place to say what they should have done. They are living the nightmare and will feel guilty anyway. She was not taken because they left her and it may still have happend if they were asleep next door or used the listening service. It may not, it may have happened to another child instead. The only thing that matters now is finding her. I really hope they do.

[aims1202]

I just wanted to say about the two incidents decribed here when they were children. They knew not to get into the car with that man and got away and the other one was helped by someone else. This is what should happen in this situation, the child knows what they have to do/ not do and all of us lovley people should help anyone we think needs it. If we dont trust anyone how can we ever be helped?
I was once in B&Q with my son when he was about 18mths old i saw a little girl of about 3yrs really crying and walking around on her own. She'd obviously lost her mum and i went up to her asking her if she'd lost her mum and that i would help her. She screamed and kept running away. I said that i had a little boy and would help her find her mum but she was so scared of me. it took me ages to be able to stay near her and find out her name so i could get staff to call for her mum. In the end she did tell me and we found her mum. I guess her mum had told her that strangers are bad and she was scared of everyone. Well i was a stranger but i, like most wanted to help her.
I tell my son its ok to talk to strangers and be friendly if you feel ok doing that, but to never go anywhere with anyone not even if you know them. Unless mummy says its ok and he has actually asked me himself. I've told him if he's lost me to go to staff in the shop or a lady with children and to stay where he is with them. This way he's not scared of people and knows how to get help if he needs it.

[hellywellywo]

I am so glad to read what other parents have to say. I have a 10 yr old and a nearly 4 year old. Meg (my 10yr old) walks to school on her own, but only because we live right next door to it. We let her go to the shop at the end of the street when we are feeling brave, but she doesn't play in the street, we live in a rough area and a good number of the kids are horrible, a lot of people on our street (obviously not all) are drinkers and hang around with cans of beer in their hands and have a go at the kids. Eddie (the other one) is just too young, I take him to nursery everyday, and we take the kids out every w/end to do fun things, whether riding bikes in the local park, or picnics or swimming. I worry that they have no freedom, but they are not cosseted and seem to enjoy life.

[isis4691]

I have three children aged 17,14 and 8. My eldest started to stay at home alone for just say an hour from the age of 14 and gradually as I could see he was sensible and could be trusted to stay on his own longer then this is what happened. My daughter is now the same age and she has only recently stayed at home alone for the first time and it went well (i was more worried than she was) As for my youngest ,he has special needs and I don't think he could be alone for many years to come. I think that every child is different and you have to use your own judgement in each case. I have never left any of my three at any time in the past unattended and I cannot understand how you could.

[taperface]

I've never, ever left mine on their own. That way, your children are safer. The people who do, are too lazy or uncaring. As for the debate on poor Madaleine, I hope she's safe somewhere, but remember - two even YOUNGER children were left on their own as well. Much as I feel for her parents, it was an irresponsible thing to do. What if any of them'd woken up for a drink, or a cuddle, & found themselves alone in a strange country. It makes me shudder that a meal with friends was more important to the McCanns. Maddie'd already been palmed off to a kiddies club during the day.