sad Loss

[dot.hawkes]

On friday night, just after i had posted a reply on here in B&S, there was a knock at my door, and our world changed forever. My grandson's Godfather had just been killed in a motorbike accident at 6pm. It has been the weekend from hell and we have just come back from the chapel at the hospital, stopping on the way to attach bouquets to the side of the road where he was lost. I havn't been able to speak all weekend, apart from to Redbel (Bez) who has been amazing ( God bless you Bez), my grandson is coming to us tonight and his Dad wants to be the one to tell him his Uncle D. is not going to be here for him, it was my son's best mate. my son (who is devastated) is trying to think how to say the words to my grandson, who is 8 and will be old enough to understand. What can you say eh?

[Kleiber]

Oh, Dot - so sorry. I just don't know what to say. 26 is so young. Thinking of you and your family. xxx K

[dot.hawkes]

I keep trying to distract my thoughts by posting on AB but i keep walking away from the laptop and sitting down staring at the TV and feeling pretty much in despair. My son has been asked to be a pallbearer along with 2 of his mates and he has spent the day compiling footage on his computer from the camcorder, they have always filmed themselves doing skateboarding and daft stuff and there is so much footage of D. and so my son is putting it all together to put on a CD for his mum. Doubt she will be able to watch it for a while, but some of it is actually hilarious and so typical of them all, acting crazy and having a great time.
Like you have said, such a waste. heart breaking.

[nat_84]

Hi Dot, I'm terribly sorry to hear your sad news. Sometimes words fail us and we seem lost - the best you can do is to be strong and supportive for your son.

Thinking of you and your family xxx

[efc]

Dot - i've only just read your post. I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking about you.

Take care of yourself.

[dot.hawkes]

thanks nat and efc, i have been to work today but felt proper down, came home and found my son trying to choose words for the funeral, it's unbearable, D. would sit at our breakfast bar listening to Johnny cash every friday nightm his fave tune was 'I Hung My head' and his Mum has asked my son to sort it to play as he ileaves the funeral service. We have avoided seeing my grandson up to now, this is so tough, how come something so common like death is still so very hard to handle?

[cruella]

Dot,
Glad that your Son is able to occupy his time by making films etc for his friends Mum.
It will be hard for her to watch them for a while, but then she will take comfort at the love that went into them by your Son.
Has your Grandson ever lost a pet that he loved dearly.
You could maybe try to explain that Uncle Dave has gone to a place like Rainbow Bridge.
I really do not have any answers, same as the rest of the abers but our thoughts are with you.
One feels so helpless at a time like this.
Think you will have to be the strong one for your Son and Grandson, especially until after the funeral. Sad times indeed!

[andy-hughes]

So sorry tro hear this dot - it is so sad.

I am a great believer in the concept of saying the right thing, or if you can't do that, say nothing, and just be there. It does work.

Remember, grief is not a competition - no-one is handing out prizes for the wisest coment or the saddest mourner.

Everyone will get through this in their own way - you must just be able to reach for each other when you, or your family feel the need.

And as this response shows, we are all here for one of our oldest AB friends.

Thinking of you,

A x

[dot.hawkes]

I have to agree andy, everyone of the posts have helped alot, I stayed home today as my son was getting abir shaky with everything, It looks like it will be another few days before the funeral is arranged too, just gotta keep busy I guess. thanks for the support ,x

[sarah1987]

sorry to hear about your loss dot!it is so hard. my friend got killed on his motorbike 3 years ago on the 4th september and was only 17 years old.he had a little sister who was only 5 years old. they had to explain to her that her brother wont be coming back.it is very hard but children notice things and when they are involved its hard to be strong for them and try to explain in a way they will understand.i am sure it will work out and that everyone will deal with their loss in completely different ways

[dot.hawkes]

i will just add a quick note to say that i have told my grandson this evening about D. and you'll never guess what he said, (though he did cry and he was upset) he said, 'well I am here now and I will cheer my dad up.'
The funeral is next friday and so there is still a lot to get through.

[unrulyjulie]

dot, i have only just seen this thread, i did ask bez to pass on my best wishes to you but i would like to say it myself. I am so very sorry for your loss. Its a tough time for you all right now. I hope you will all get through this as best you can.

With all my best wishes and a big hug for ya dot XXXX

[Carakeel]

Dot, my heart goes out to you and your family. Sorry I didn't see this sooner. You are always here for others and many of us here wish there were something we could do to ease the pain you are all going through. I send you a big hug of support and pray that the love you have within your family will help you all through this. Some day D's mother will be able to watch the DVD and I am sure it will help her to smile again, but this may take a long time. I have a video of Kevin, my son who died just before his 21st birthday, but I still can't watch it, even though I lost him 17 years ago. The day will come. Best wishes
Carakeel XXX