My son

[Linda51]

Our son who is 24 is working in Korea teaching, we are due to go amd visit him in a few weeks, but the other day I was sorting out the wardrobe and found a book he had been writing in and he had written some really horrible stuff about his dad saying he had never been a proper dad and just bought him toys and took him on holiday but he had never been there for him. I wouldn't tell my husband as we have always thought we have been good parents, our daughter who also read it was disgusted. I've sent him an e mail asking him about it but he hasn't replied. What dio you think?

[Insane Wally]

My God, I've just had a nasty thought, my kids could be writing this sort of thing about me. My parents done everything for me & turned me into the lazy sod I am today. I don't want my kids to turn out how I have, so I tend to let them get on with things & learn the hard way, not because I'm idle, but because I want them to do things for themselves. Maybe it all stems from something like that, perhaps Linda51's husband tried to teach his son the hard way.

[hazel ann]

You should never have read his private diary and certainly you should not have shown it to his sister. I'm not surprised he hasn't answered your e-mail. He is probably very angry and upset. he had the absolute right to write his own personal feelings in a book which he did not expect anyone to read. He obviously hasn't said these things to his dad in person or you wouldn't be so shocked and upset. I think the only thing you can do now is to send an e-mail to apologise. Then you can either let the matter drop or ask him whether he would like to discuss it further. A lot of young people go through stages of being resentful against their parents. If he hasn't expressed this to you personally then you must respect his privacy,.

[Sifter1978]

it's a personal book, a personal thing, many things i think about people i don;t always say coz thats not the way im made. some people have a feeling to get there feelings down on paper. i expect your daughter was disgusted because she feels that he was there for her (therefore making your sons comments as total lies) it might be possible that the stuff was written in a "fit of rage" possibly after an argument. i'd always say i hate you to my mum and dad... but i never meant it. the sense of getting stuff down on paper is calming, i do it through songs/poems. the parental bond is the hardest bond to break.if your son feels no bond to his father, he'll feel disconnected. i know this from my little girl, who regularly tells me she's glad im her daddy(although why she says it im not sure!!!!) but family bonds are more important than anything.

[maxcan]

Don't miss the opportunity to capitalize on your mistake. I say your mistake because the only mistake your son made was to leave his personal private writing where intruders who happen to be family can find them. The positive thing is that you can build on what your son thinks were your failings in bringing him up. I do not think it was a good thing to use the Internet to communicate such information as that to your some. It would have been better to have waited till you had a chance to exchange hugs in person. I am loathe to say it, but sharing what you found with your daughter and his sister was just plain lame. It would have been wiser to keep the book in private with your person without reading it, passed it on to him discreetly and then arranged for your husband to go out alone once you arrived after a while or with your daughter is she was tagging along and ask him if he wants to talk about it. If not, you can encourage him to talk about with his father. I'm sure the father will start wondering: 'what's up?' with everybody else sooner or later.

[sweet feckal]

Now he can say his mother is also a bad parent. I am sure you are not. But why on earth would you show it to his sister? What do you expect him to say ? This is a diary. DIARY. private. He does not owe you an answer you owe him an apology.

[Jodyc]

Although you may not agree, those words were is opinion and his perception of his childhood, at the time that he wrote them. Things change with time and age and he may have completely forgotten he even wrote them. Return the book to him and leave it at that. He will talk to you about it when he is ready and he will confront his father when he is ready. You can't push him into the confrontation. But it is ironic - he feels your husband wasn't an 'involved father' and he hasn't been involved in this either, has he.