parenting

[e.vickers]

i can't stop my 3 year old from using bad language. I have done ignoring, sticker chart and rewarding good behavor

[andy hughes]

Your three year old is using bad language because it gets a reaction, so make sure your reaction is minimal, and calm. Explain that there are certain words that make mummy and daddy sad, and he must not use them. If he persist, you must confirm that the words are not to be used, and you will be corss with him, then instigate an escalating form of punishment - removal of a favourite toy for an hour, missing an hour's TV, or a favourite programme. If he responds by dropping the language, assure him how happy you are, and how nice it is that he speaks properly, and that it is his way of loving you, and your way of loving him. By re-enforccement of the message, combined with punishment, he's get the idea. You must be fair at al times, and strict with your regime, and back each other up as parents, or he will play one of you off against the other. I'm taking it as read that none of swear in front of him.

[stoo_pid]

If I may say, top advice from Andy (as always!). If it helps at all your 3 year old doesn't know what these words mean. We cared full-time for my 3 year old nephew for about a year and obviously were very careful to never swear in his presence. One day after nursery he drops his toys and exclaims, "Oh Fox!". We weren't 100% sure if he said Fox or the other word but he repeated it clearly on a few occasions after that. The 1st time we heard it we actually found it quite amusing. Problem was he then realised it was a word that (when used in a particular context) got a reaction - even though it wasn't the right F-word! (All we found we had to do was ignore it completely - didn't tell him off, didn't smile or laugh. We just reacted as if he'd said "Oh dear". He got bored of 'swearing' within a week or so.)

[georgit79]

I have to say, after browsing through all these parenting questions for the last week or so, parenting seems too much like hard work to me! You'd think a simple, 'Don't swear or else' would do the trick, but no, the fact is that we now live in the enlightened 21st century, and must remember that children are tiny people with opinions and minds all of their own. I'm sure the old, strict way was much easier and just as effective!

[andy hughes]

Hello georgit79. It is precisely because I was raised with the 'don't ... or else!' method of parenting that i have developed a level of tolerance and respect for others, and that extends to my children. I'm not suggesting that you treat them as adults, or listen to their every whim, but a little guidance and training is always better than shouting and punishment, if it can work that way. If not, as a last resort, the 'old-fashioned' way is still there, I just prefer to exhaust all other avenues first.

[clcandj]

Ah yes I will have to agree with andy hughes on this one also. Try everything else first then and only then you should go with the old way.

[luc]

where is your child picking up this bad lanuage from? if an adult at home or someone they visit uses these word, then you should try and stop them. how will you be able to make your child realise these words are not nice if someboby they look up to is using them.