I'm on your side, Shanx, and in the same boat as well. My son left his partner because of her physical and verbal abuse, but eighteen months on she still abuses him, threatens to refuse him access to the children, rings him up to scream at him at all times of the day and night and generally makes his life very uncomfortable.
My husband and myself took on the task, last January, of turning our two and a half year old monstrously damaged grandson into a proper little boy, and with access to him a couple of days a week, plus his father's influence at weekends, we've managed to find the smiling, lovely kid in there, but I have to stay absolutely neutral in the face of considerable provocation, otherwise I could so easily lose access.
I get so angry when I hear her using appalling language in front of my grandson and his sister, and I know my son and his new partner would make much better parents, but the law would never allow such a thing, despite the fact that she drinks too much and smokes pot.
I find the law concerning father's rights in this country completely absurd!