when will I stop crying

[lardypants]

6 weeks ago I split from my husband of nearly 32 years. I was fed up with his lies and hurtful behaviour. I put on a brave face at work and when my family and friends are around but whenever I am on my own I can`t stop crying.I have tried giving myself a stern talking to and telling myself I am better off without him,but I still cry buckets.

[~Wingnut~]

Give it time. You are in a mourning process, you were married for an awfully long time so are naturally going to be feeling some pretty heavy emotions.
Don't be so hard on yourself and maybe it would be a good idea to confide in a close friend, off load a bit and basically just spill your guts out. Eventually you will find the strength to move on (never move backwards, this has happened for a reason you have said so yourself about his lies and behaviour) and gain back your life.

I wish you all the best and good luck, it will be a hard ride but you will get through the other end a much stronger person :o)

[lardypants]

thanks for that

[Maypole]

Lardy, I left my husband nearly six months ago and still cry several times a week, and not just a few leaky tears either.
I asked a friend of mine just last week why I couldnt get over it, because lots of people go through this and seem to cope much better.
She just looked me straight in the eye and very wisely said, "What makes you think they arent the same as you? You look OK to the outside world as well dont you?"
Theres your answer! Think of it as a grieving process, its a long haul.
Best of luck to you, also - you never know whats around the corner that might distract you :o)

[luna-tic]

The bond of love between two people is so strong that when you physically, emotionally and spiritually move away from one another, that bond still has threads trying to regain the loss of love and we all try to hang on to those feelings but only time can heal the soul.
My best wishes go to you.

[Ice-Maiden]

Ditto.

[VillageVicar]

Lard and May: I'm sorry to hear that you both are hurting so deeply.
The dynamic of a marriage that has lasted many years and has had to end is bound to leave you with a profound sense of loss and pain. It is not inappropriate to use the word �mourning� to apply to the feelings you�re experiencing.

In many ways, the cessation of this relationship � the failed vows, the disruption of the �single� unit of two, can impact you for years to come. And it�s not frivolous to say that divorce can have a greater impact on an individual than a loss through death. Death is finite. But with separation and divorce, there is the compounded sense of failure and in some instances �hope� that the relationship could possibly renew.

And I would offer that after decades together, there is also an element of fear. Fear can manifest itself in many ways, but it often surfaces when those who are trying to find their way in the unfamiliar and unchartered waters of what may lie ahead, start to believe (erroneously) that they may never find another person again, to share your life with.

Continued

[VillageVicar]

Part 2

Tears serve as a form of catharsis. Whilst you my not feel comfortable with the experience, they actually serve an extremely healthy purpose. You might even look at it euphemistically as cleaning your windscreen, so that you�ll have a clearer vision ahead.

I would also offer that if you truly feel the relationship is irretrievable and this is what is best for you (not for your partner), then you must continue with your metamorphosis. However, if there is a trace of truth in the realm of how you see it, how he sees it, and the way it really is, that suggests the two of you had actually just drifted apart and you lacked the skills to renew yourselves, then perhaps it may be worth having a word with Relate or your local clergy.

http://bigworldsmallboat.blogspot.com/search?q =have+I+told+you+lately

I wish you all the very best

Fr Bill

[Ice-Maiden]

I must just say that you dish out some very well thought- out advice, VV. I imagine you've had a wonderful ife, but seen a lot of pain and poverty as well.

[VillageVicar]

My children and I have talked about this just recently. We were discussing how humans are able to compare extreme happiness with extreme sadness; particularly was it better to live life without taking chances and stepping �out of the box� or was it better to live �outside the box,� always placing yourself at risk.

The first time I held a child in my arms as their breathing slowed until it was no more, I thought it would distress me beyond my comprehension. Instead, I felt as if I could feel that child�s life-energy move within me and through me before it began its journey. But when I first came to claim a child�s body from a morgue, I was inconsolable. I dropped to my knees, crying with such anguish that I thought my heart would stop. For me, it was one of those rare moments of total honesty when I could assess what really mattered in the few short years we have on this earth. It taught me to value what is important over what is just window-dressing.

Would I like to erase the pains my children or I have experienced in our lives? I�m not certain that I would, because without having them I would not be who I am today, nor would my children have the same grounded view on life they share.

And would I like to have my youth back? Well, only if I could retain all the scars and experiences. Otherwise, I'm afraid, I would be no more than a shell.

Sleep with the angels

Fr Bill

[Ice-Maiden]

That was lovely.

[lardypants]

Thank you all for your replies I don`t feel so hopeless now.The only way we could make it work again is if I knew he would never lie to me or hurt me again but the trust is gone and I don`t think we could ever get it back. I did suggest going to marriage guidance but he was not interested, I am amazed that people I don`t know can offer me such good advice and give me their support and words of comfort. I am really grateful

[maggie01]

lardypants sounds like your husband is having a mid life crisis. http://www.midlifeclub.com/ This site has helped me very much. My husband moved out 7 months ago. We have been married 40yrs. Sorry you are in this situation but please visit this site and you will be amazed how many people are suffering the same way.

[applejac1]

its quite difficult to split and have to readapt to new things and old habits die hard but new beginnings will start and dont look back because thats why you left you will be soul searching and doubt yourself at times when you get lonely but the secret is find new freinds be around your family start activities keep yourself occupied time is a great healer and go and find the new you it sounds like you have been through the hardest part being with him this is such a possitive and rewarding time to do it your way how good is that he wont know what he lost until its to late and by then you will be in a much better place emotionally and moved on good luck think positive all the time
I CAN DO THIS BRING IT ON WHATS OUT THERE 4 ME